Frontier Former Editor

October 31, 2008

Trick or treat

One of my neighbors showed a delightful spark of non-partisanship on Halloween:

 

Guess they figured McCain had eaten enough pumpkin in Vietnam.

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October 15, 2008

Everyone’s favorite ‘Salem’s Lot’ character that wasn’t included in the book

With all the hoopin’ and hollerin’ about our most favorite presidential election since, well . . . . since Nixon vs. McGovern, it’s all too easy to forget old friends like . . . .

 

 

Yep, Graf Cheney is having heart trouble again. After all, if you were nosferatu and faced having to move all those caskets of home earth after eight years . . . even with government allowances, it’s still hard to find Secret Service agents willing to ride the Borgo Pass this time of year.

 

And on other matters, I still wonder why no one has made a case for Sarah Palin being the reincarnation of Spiro T. Agnew. After all, she’s got Spiro’s winning way with selected and tamed groups of working folk (Philadelphia definitely didn’t fall in that category), and she’s got a gubernatorial pedegree much like that of Agnew’s.

 

Maybe if Cheney’s heart procedure is successful , he can help bring life to Palin’s national political aspirations. Eternal life . . . . .

October 11, 2008

Bobby May

After two years away from covering Southwest Virginia politics, it warms my heart to watch a late season election train wreck.

Except when you know some of the principals in the wreck. Then it’s a combination of laughter, cringing, headshaking, disgust, incomprehension, pity, anger, bemusement, lather, rinse, repeat.

Any of you who read the Los Angeles Times or watch MSNBC may already have digested the story of Bobby May from Hurley, Va..

I know Bobby May. I also know Earl Cole, the newspaper entrepreneur who printed Bobby’s discourse on Barack Obama.

The Los Angeles Times apparently broke the story, so go get a gander at it here.

Bobby is (and quite possibly was, if this little tempest runs its course) an entrepreneur whose stock in trade is political paraphernalia: buttons, signs, banners, stickers, key rings, change purses, pocket knives and just about any other promotional paraphernalia with political slogans or commercial advertising.

Covering politics, I got acquainted with Bobby and, I have to say, he was pretty entertaining and not all that bad a dinner guest. Of course he was a raging Reagan Republican but he came by it honest, unlike folks like Edwin Meese, Donald Regan, Newt Gingrich, Lee Atwater and a whole host of national Republicans in the Reagan, Bush pere’ and Bush fils administrations.

Bobby treated me relatively fairly, even if I was part of that mainstream media. But Bobby decided more than a few years ago that the mainstream media just didn’t get it, like many Republicans decided long before him.

And a few years ago, May got his crack at being mainstream media when Earl Cole started a little newspaper called ‘The Voice’ as his own way of being a gadfly to the political establishment of Buchanan County.

Especially the Democratic establishment.

I still enjoyed Bobby’s cracks at Democrats, if only because I knew Bobby was just being Bobby. But when someone called me over to their computer to show Keith Olberman’s meanest person in the world for Wednesday night, I – to crib a line from Charlie Daniels’ ‘Uneasy Rider’ – damn near died.

There was Bobby May of Hurley, Virginia with an honor typically reserved for Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter or some idiot congressman or Bush Administration figure.

Bobby had written his op-ed de grace. A sample:

The (clarified) platform of Barack Hussein Obama
The Voice
by Bobby May, bobbyleemay@yahoo.com

In response to criticism that I favor John McCain for president and only present “one side of the issues,” I am listing for your consideration the platform of Barack Hussein Obama as best as I can figure it out after venting all of the hot air, straining out the honey and removing the smelly substance similar to what the old bull left behind.

I think I’ve did (sic) a pretty good job of boiling his positions down to their very essence for the sake of clarity. . . .

REPARATIONS TO BLACK COMMUNITY:  Opposes before Election Day and supports after Election Day.

FREEDOM OF RELIGION: Mandatory Black Liberation Theology courses taught in all churches–raise taxes to pay for this mandate.  Put Rev. Jeremiah Wright in charge.  Condemnation of homosexuality from the pulpit will become a Class 1 Felony.

HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGE:  Raise taxes.  And coddle sexual perverts.  Give tax breaks for NAMBLA membership fees. . . .

DRUG CRISIS:  Raise taxes to pay for free drugs for Obama’s inner-city political base. . . .

2ND AMENDMENT:  Under Obama will only apply to gang-bangers, illegal aliens, Islamo-Fascist terrorists, and Senator Jim Webb’s aide. . . .

FOREIGN RELATIONS:  Appoint Rev. Al Sharpton as Secretary of State, Jesse Jackson as UN Representative and let Bill Clinton handle all other “foreign relations” … as long as Hillary doesn’t find out!  And raise taxes.

THE WHITE HOUSE:  Hire rapper Ludacris to “paint it black.”  Taxes to be increased to buy enough paint to do the job plus spray-paint for graffiti.

THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES:  Raise taxes to send $845 billion, send most to Africa so the Obama family there can skim off enough to allow them to free their goats and live the American Dream. . . .

NATIONAL ANTHEM:  Change to the “Black National Anthem” by James Weldon Johnson.  And raise taxes. . . .

U.S. CURRENCY:  Updatephotos to reflect U.S. diversity; include pictures of “great Americans” such as Oprah Winfrey, Ludacris, Sheila Jackson-Lee, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson(Obama’s new Secretary of the Treasury–50 Cent refused position after learning that he would lose his crazy check if he accepted the nomination).  And raise taxes. . . .

U.S. MILITARY:  Confiscate all weapons, substitute water pistols, pea shooters, and bows with suction cup arrows.  Replace U.S. flag on uniforms with peace symbols changing uniform color grom green to pink and abolishing the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, replacing it with “A queer in every foxhole and a camouflage sex toy in every backpack” requirement.  Condoms will be issued instead of bullets and brotherly love encouraged.  Barney Frank will be the new Secretary of Defence (renamed Secretary of Peace and Love) and Rosie O’Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres, Lindsay Lohan and Rick Boucher will be made 5-star generals.  And raise taxes. . . .

Whilst one part of me read it and thought, “Yep, that’s typical Bobby May,” another part of me thought of the four most dangerous words one can hear in the South: “Hey y’all, watch this!”

(Editor’s note, 11-12-08: The site where a facsimile of Bobby’s article resides, it should be noted, failed to include what accompanied it: a counterpoint piece by Ron Coleman supporting Obama’s campaign. Not that it necessarily makes Bobby’s piece any more palatable, but it should be included if only to put its appearance in context of what ‘The Voice’ was trying to present.)

If this had been all there was to the story, Bobby’s little essay might have passed relatively unnoticed. But that wasn’t all. Remember how Bobby was a diehard Republican? Well, Bobby’s beliefs not only complemented his business. They extended into his extracurricular life as the treasurer of the Buchanan County Republican Party and as the local organizer of Team McCain-Palin activities.

And the special sauce on this political hoagie? The Los Angeles Times happened to send a reporter to Buchanan County to sample the red state-blue state dynamic in Virginia last week – including the availability of a certain publication titled, ‘The Voice.’

And “watch this” the ‘mainstream media’ did. And, to Bobby May’s enduring discomfort, they did ‘get it.’ So did the McCain campaign machine, which officially dropped Bobby May from Team McCain-Palin.

Given the McCain machine’s rational for zapping Bobby May, however, I have to wonder why Palin is still on the ticket.

Does this mean that Southwest Virginia is a bunch of racist, stereotype-spouting idiots? No more so than any other geographic region of the Unites States. I certainly have my misgivings about Barack Obama, but they in no way are reflected in the satirical foray made by Bobby May.

But I have plenty of misgivings about John McCain, and I saw a glimmer of reflection of those in the story of Bobby May. How is what Bobby wrote fundamentally different from the stuff that has been spewed from the McCain campaign since the Labor Day weekend?

Bobby May might have been trying to be Jonathan Swift in his modest view of Obama’s political stances. He has a lot to be modest about now.

October 4, 2008

On voting . . .

I’ll save you some of my normal ranting; Max’s monograph on the topic was so much better and less bitter than I could muster.

I was reading the Virginia official elections and voting site this evening – probably the first time I’d done so since I was in the newspaper biz – and found some interesting tidbits in preparation for my trip to the optical scanner in November.

Our longtime Democratic congressional incumbent is unopposed for the first time since 1982. That’s 13 election cycles and 26 years, and I covered 7 of those elections in some form or another. I can also say that, in all but two of those elections, he was effectively unopposed because of the quality of candidate.

Virginia actually has six slates of presidential/vice presidential candidates. Besides the Republican and Democrat doom and gloom, the slate is damn near a political Baskin Robbins with Green, Independent Green, Libertarian, and whatever the hell Ralph Nader is calling himself this year.

Oh, Nader’s an Independent. How cute.

Maybe I won’t have to write in Eisenhower and Nixon this year after all.

For our city council (and I use the word ‘city’ loosely, since this place has less than 4,000 residents, shares its court and clerk system with the surrounding county, and somehow manages to keep a city charter it bogarted from the Virginia General Assembly in 1954 – a city it ain’t.) I see two people with whom I went to high school and college, respectively. They’re both reasonable folk, so I’ll probably choose them over the asshole scion of the now-dead owner of the local Pepsi bottling franchise and the guy of whom I know little other than the fact that he ran for council once before and left the same impact of a 5.56 mm bullet against titanium plate armor.

Our last asshole former Republican governor Jim Gilmore (as opposed to the prior asshole former Republican governor George Allen – Google ‘macaca’ for more) is running for U.S. Senate against the next to last Democrat former governor who did a pretty good job of cleaning up Gilmore’s immediate toxic political spillage. When two senior Republican legislators and a rather honorable former Republican governor (and father-in-law of the current Democratic governor) appear in ads and campaign appearances to endorse the Democrat, one would think that Gilmore would have gotten the message.

This, of course, merely proves that Gilmore is, in fact, an asshole and a not-very-smart one.

And then there’s the ‘city’ school board race. I used to cover that school board. I think I’ll write i, “Consolidate with the county, finally!”

With all the heartburn from reading the site, all I can say is that I can still cuss, spit, gripe and – in the end – go down and vote about it without the fear of being spied upon, trailed by state security, picked up, interrogated or executed.

Unless, of course, I vote in Florida.

If any of you reading this live in Virginia, you have until close of business Monday, Oct. 6, to go register to vote in this November’s general elections.

Do it.

September 14, 2008

SNL reaches a lost pinnacle

Until I can remember my HTML again . . .

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/13/tina-fey-as-sarah-palin-o_n_126249.html

September 12, 2008

At least Archie doesn’t tell me to ‘stifle yourself’ . . .

Leave it to Archie to inflict delicious agony whilst I grow weary from despair over our new pretender to the vice presidency. And in a bow to one of his more painful efforts

Come to think of it, Jeff Lynne anticipated our new wicked witch of the north by about 33 years, so have a little more . . .

 

September 9, 2008

And if you liked Josh Hartnett in ’30 Days of Night,’ you’ll love Sarah Palin in . . . .

Filed under: humor, politics — Tags: , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:48 pm

Okay, Palin’s thinks she’s on a mission from God, but maybe the rape kit story is a tad overboard

My enthrallment with Sarah Palin has shown an unusually short half-life, but even I have to lean toward the truth when a scumbag might be getting a bum rap.

Case in point: Eric Schmeltzer, a writer for The Huffington Post, unloaded both barrels at Palin and the town of Wasilla, AK, for defying a state law requiring local law enforcement agencies to pay for rape evidence kits for physical exams.

As Schmeltzer would have us see the situation:

“While the Alaska State Troopers and most municipal police agencies have covered the cost of exams, which cost between $300 to $1,200 apiece, the Wasilla police department does charge the victims of sexual assault for the tests.

“Wasilla Police Chief Charlie Fannon does not agree with the new legislation, saying the law will require the city and communities to come up with more funds to cover the costs of the forensic exams.”

What Smeltzer left out of his citings from The Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman article of May 23, 2000, though, was:

“In the past weve charged the cost of exams to the victims insurance company when possible. I just dont want to see any more burden put on the taxpayer, Fannon said.
According to Fannon, the new law will cost the Wasilla Police Department approximately $5,000 to $14,000 a year to collect evidence for sexual assault cases.
Ultimately it is the criminal who should bear the burden of the added costs, Fannon said.
The forensic exam is just one part of the equation. Id like to see the courts make these people pay restitution for these things, Fannon said.
Fannon said he intends to include the cost of exams required to collect evidence in a restitution request as a part of a criminals sentencing.”

Now, this doesn’t make the Wasilla PD or Palin look particularly nice, since Fannon obviously has a problem paying for basic law enforcement forensics equipment. And, by implication, Palin didn’t seem to have a problem with Fannon’s stance on this particular issue. But Fannon is expressing a just another iteration in a growing opinion among law enforcement.

But, yeah, Wasilla officials from that period look like a collective schmuck.

September 7, 2008

What’s the difference between . . . .

Sarah ‘task from God’ Palin and James K. ‘Manifest Destiny’ Polk?

The glasses and lipstick make Polk look more butch.

Donna Brazile, in her previous guises as a Democratic presidential campaign strategist, generally leaves me with the same taste in my political mouth as did Roger Ailes, Lee Atwater and others. But Brazile made an interesting response Sunday on Wolf Blitzer’s Sunday morning gabfest about Sarah Palin’s mockery of community activists. This is a very close paraphrase if not a perfectly accurate quote:

“Jesus was a community organizer. Pontius was a governor.”

September 6, 2008

Manifest Destiny, as manifested by Sarah Palin . . .

Apparently, Sarah Palin seems to agree with Jake Blues . . . .

We’re on a mission from God.

I know all you all look down on National Public Radio as the last refuge of a liberal, but sometimes they have a nasty habit of running factual information:

http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=94332540&m=94332496

An excerpt:

“Palin now goes to a nondenominational Bible church when she’s in Wasilla, but her years attending Pentecostal churches, including the one she currently attends in Juneau, have no doubt shaped her faith and, possibly, her view of world events.

“For example, at the same service, Palin talks about the war in Iraq.

” “Pray our military men and women who are striving to do what is right also for this country — that our national leaders are sending them out on a task that is from God,” Palin said. “That’s what we have to make sure that we’re praying for, that there is a plan and that plan is God’s plan.”

“Poloma says some people might hear that and say Palin believes this is a holy war, or that Pentecostals think this is a holy war.”

Now I know who else Palin reminds me of . . .

 

James K. Polk, Manifest Destiny exponent extradordinaire. From Wikipedia:

“As a Democrat committed to geographic expansion (or “Manifest Destiny“), he overrode Whig objections and was responsible for the second-largest expansion of the nation’s territory. Polk secured the Oregon Territory (including Washington, Oregon and Idaho), amounting to about 285,000 square miles (738,000 km²) then purchased 525,000 square miles (1,360,000 km²) through the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo that ended the Mexican–American War.”

The only difference between Polk and Dubya? Polk was arrogant and competent.

Maybe Palin should remember that many a nation has claimed a holy alliance with God, as a central European nation once proudly declared . . .

 

Belief in God doesn’t make me nervous, despite or maybe because of my avowed agnosticism. What makes me nervous is politicians tossing around the concept of God as a symbol of support and justification as certain as the current day’s Gallup/CNN/MSNBC polls

Good night, Sarah, and remember the ark.

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