Frontier Former Editor

January 19, 2009

Like the two French diplomats reportedly said at Compiegne in May 1940 . . .

“A relief.”

“Yes, like crapping your pants.”

That should sum up George W. Bush’s departure tomorrow. I wouldn’t care if the inauguration was the Second Coming along with a burning bush, the parting of the Potomac, tastefully-done pillars of salt, Maccabees, Purim and Genesis (not with Phil Collins): George W. Bush has left this country with a vast landscape of scorched philosophical, spiritual and physical earth. In my darkest corner of my heart, I find more good in Richard Nixon’s evil persona than in Bush’s good old boy emptiness.

I hope Obama can start to bring the ship of state around to a calmer, more rational course, but it’s going to be awfully hard given what Bush and his puppeteers have left for us.

Not to mention what we allowed the stupid bastard to do and be conned into doing. Maybe he can stay locked in his now-gated community and start reading Tom Clancy as fact.

Please, George, please don’t let the door hit you in the ass Tuesday.

October 11, 2008

Bobby May

After two years away from covering Southwest Virginia politics, it warms my heart to watch a late season election train wreck.

Except when you know some of the principals in the wreck. Then it’s a combination of laughter, cringing, headshaking, disgust, incomprehension, pity, anger, bemusement, lather, rinse, repeat.

Any of you who read the Los Angeles Times or watch MSNBC may already have digested the story of Bobby May from Hurley, Va..

I know Bobby May. I also know Earl Cole, the newspaper entrepreneur who printed Bobby’s discourse on Barack Obama.

The Los Angeles Times apparently broke the story, so go get a gander at it here.

Bobby is (and quite possibly was, if this little tempest runs its course) an entrepreneur whose stock in trade is political paraphernalia: buttons, signs, banners, stickers, key rings, change purses, pocket knives and just about any other promotional paraphernalia with political slogans or commercial advertising.

Covering politics, I got acquainted with Bobby and, I have to say, he was pretty entertaining and not all that bad a dinner guest. Of course he was a raging Reagan Republican but he came by it honest, unlike folks like Edwin Meese, Donald Regan, Newt Gingrich, Lee Atwater and a whole host of national Republicans in the Reagan, Bush pere’ and Bush fils administrations.

Bobby treated me relatively fairly, even if I was part of that mainstream media. But Bobby decided more than a few years ago that the mainstream media just didn’t get it, like many Republicans decided long before him.

And a few years ago, May got his crack at being mainstream media when Earl Cole started a little newspaper called ‘The Voice’ as his own way of being a gadfly to the political establishment of Buchanan County.

Especially the Democratic establishment.

I still enjoyed Bobby’s cracks at Democrats, if only because I knew Bobby was just being Bobby. But when someone called me over to their computer to show Keith Olberman’s meanest person in the world for Wednesday night, I – to crib a line from Charlie Daniels’ ‘Uneasy Rider’ – damn near died.

There was Bobby May of Hurley, Virginia with an honor typically reserved for Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter or some idiot congressman or Bush Administration figure.

Bobby had written his op-ed de grace. A sample:

The (clarified) platform of Barack Hussein Obama
The Voice
by Bobby May, bobbyleemay@yahoo.com

In response to criticism that I favor John McCain for president and only present “one side of the issues,” I am listing for your consideration the platform of Barack Hussein Obama as best as I can figure it out after venting all of the hot air, straining out the honey and removing the smelly substance similar to what the old bull left behind.

I think I’ve did (sic) a pretty good job of boiling his positions down to their very essence for the sake of clarity. . . .

REPARATIONS TO BLACK COMMUNITY:  Opposes before Election Day and supports after Election Day.

FREEDOM OF RELIGION: Mandatory Black Liberation Theology courses taught in all churches–raise taxes to pay for this mandate.  Put Rev. Jeremiah Wright in charge.  Condemnation of homosexuality from the pulpit will become a Class 1 Felony.

HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGE:  Raise taxes.  And coddle sexual perverts.  Give tax breaks for NAMBLA membership fees. . . .

DRUG CRISIS:  Raise taxes to pay for free drugs for Obama’s inner-city political base. . . .

2ND AMENDMENT:  Under Obama will only apply to gang-bangers, illegal aliens, Islamo-Fascist terrorists, and Senator Jim Webb’s aide. . . .

FOREIGN RELATIONS:  Appoint Rev. Al Sharpton as Secretary of State, Jesse Jackson as UN Representative and let Bill Clinton handle all other “foreign relations” … as long as Hillary doesn’t find out!  And raise taxes.

THE WHITE HOUSE:  Hire rapper Ludacris to “paint it black.”  Taxes to be increased to buy enough paint to do the job plus spray-paint for graffiti.

THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES:  Raise taxes to send $845 billion, send most to Africa so the Obama family there can skim off enough to allow them to free their goats and live the American Dream. . . .

NATIONAL ANTHEM:  Change to the “Black National Anthem” by James Weldon Johnson.  And raise taxes. . . .

U.S. CURRENCY:  Updatephotos to reflect U.S. diversity; include pictures of “great Americans” such as Oprah Winfrey, Ludacris, Sheila Jackson-Lee, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson(Obama’s new Secretary of the Treasury–50 Cent refused position after learning that he would lose his crazy check if he accepted the nomination).  And raise taxes. . . .

U.S. MILITARY:  Confiscate all weapons, substitute water pistols, pea shooters, and bows with suction cup arrows.  Replace U.S. flag on uniforms with peace symbols changing uniform color grom green to pink and abolishing the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, replacing it with “A queer in every foxhole and a camouflage sex toy in every backpack” requirement.  Condoms will be issued instead of bullets and brotherly love encouraged.  Barney Frank will be the new Secretary of Defence (renamed Secretary of Peace and Love) and Rosie O’Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres, Lindsay Lohan and Rick Boucher will be made 5-star generals.  And raise taxes. . . .

Whilst one part of me read it and thought, “Yep, that’s typical Bobby May,” another part of me thought of the four most dangerous words one can hear in the South: “Hey y’all, watch this!”

(Editor’s note, 11-12-08: The site where a facsimile of Bobby’s article resides, it should be noted, failed to include what accompanied it: a counterpoint piece by Ron Coleman supporting Obama’s campaign. Not that it necessarily makes Bobby’s piece any more palatable, but it should be included if only to put its appearance in context of what ‘The Voice’ was trying to present.)

If this had been all there was to the story, Bobby’s little essay might have passed relatively unnoticed. But that wasn’t all. Remember how Bobby was a diehard Republican? Well, Bobby’s beliefs not only complemented his business. They extended into his extracurricular life as the treasurer of the Buchanan County Republican Party and as the local organizer of Team McCain-Palin activities.

And the special sauce on this political hoagie? The Los Angeles Times happened to send a reporter to Buchanan County to sample the red state-blue state dynamic in Virginia last week – including the availability of a certain publication titled, ‘The Voice.’

And “watch this” the ‘mainstream media’ did. And, to Bobby May’s enduring discomfort, they did ‘get it.’ So did the McCain campaign machine, which officially dropped Bobby May from Team McCain-Palin.

Given the McCain machine’s rational for zapping Bobby May, however, I have to wonder why Palin is still on the ticket.

Does this mean that Southwest Virginia is a bunch of racist, stereotype-spouting idiots? No more so than any other geographic region of the Unites States. I certainly have my misgivings about Barack Obama, but they in no way are reflected in the satirical foray made by Bobby May.

But I have plenty of misgivings about John McCain, and I saw a glimmer of reflection of those in the story of Bobby May. How is what Bobby wrote fundamentally different from the stuff that has been spewed from the McCain campaign since the Labor Day weekend?

Bobby May might have been trying to be Jonathan Swift in his modest view of Obama’s political stances. He has a lot to be modest about now.

September 14, 2008

Verrrrry interresting . . .

And a primary source account of Alaskan anti-Palin sentiment to boot . . .

I need to learn a little more about this Eddie Burke character as well.

I was once the victim of some on-air defamation by a guest on a talk-radio show with some supposedly conservative leanings. The guest, Michael ‘Oz’ Osborne, accused me of working on the payroll of our district’s congressman while also working as a newspaper reporter. The host realized during the show that his guest – a small-town religious bookstore owner with an intellectual depth measured in fractions of an angstrom – might have been wrong, and said guest supposedly realized what a dumbs**t comment he made. It was interesting getting a call at home from my editor and trying to explain that there was no way in hell I’d even consider doing something that stupid, unethical and evil. The dumbs**t guest did call the paper to apologize, but the editor intercepted the call and said I had no business giving the guy what for.

If I ever see him, I’ll be sure to say ‘Thank you, Michael Osborne, for prototyping Sarah Palin.’

Oh, and in a real test of irony, Pravda seems to share my opinion of Palin. Even if it is packaged with much the same sort of Russian style imperialism that almost justifies the dumb s**t spewing from Palin’s mouth . . .

“So Sarah Palin, Mrs. Hockey Mom housewife-cum-small-town gossip merchant and cheap little guttersnipe, suppose you shut up and allowed real politicians and diplomats to do their work? Threatening Russia with a war is perhaps the most irresponsible thing anyone could do at this moment in time. Have you any idea what a nuclear holocaust is? Have you any notion of the power of Russia’s armed forces? Did you know that Russia has enough missiles to destroy any target anywhere on Earth in seconds?”

September 6, 2008

Manifest Destiny, as manifested by Sarah Palin . . .

Apparently, Sarah Palin seems to agree with Jake Blues . . . .

We’re on a mission from God.

I know all you all look down on National Public Radio as the last refuge of a liberal, but sometimes they have a nasty habit of running factual information:

http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=94332540&m=94332496

An excerpt:

“Palin now goes to a nondenominational Bible church when she’s in Wasilla, but her years attending Pentecostal churches, including the one she currently attends in Juneau, have no doubt shaped her faith and, possibly, her view of world events.

“For example, at the same service, Palin talks about the war in Iraq.

” “Pray our military men and women who are striving to do what is right also for this country — that our national leaders are sending them out on a task that is from God,” Palin said. “That’s what we have to make sure that we’re praying for, that there is a plan and that plan is God’s plan.”

“Poloma says some people might hear that and say Palin believes this is a holy war, or that Pentecostals think this is a holy war.”

Now I know who else Palin reminds me of . . .

 

James K. Polk, Manifest Destiny exponent extradordinaire. From Wikipedia:

“As a Democrat committed to geographic expansion (or “Manifest Destiny“), he overrode Whig objections and was responsible for the second-largest expansion of the nation’s territory. Polk secured the Oregon Territory (including Washington, Oregon and Idaho), amounting to about 285,000 square miles (738,000 km²) then purchased 525,000 square miles (1,360,000 km²) through the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo that ended the Mexican–American War.”

The only difference between Polk and Dubya? Polk was arrogant and competent.

Maybe Palin should remember that many a nation has claimed a holy alliance with God, as a central European nation once proudly declared . . .

 

Belief in God doesn’t make me nervous, despite or maybe because of my avowed agnosticism. What makes me nervous is politicians tossing around the concept of God as a symbol of support and justification as certain as the current day’s Gallup/CNN/MSNBC polls

Good night, Sarah, and remember the ark.

September 4, 2008

Room 222 meets the Situation Room?

I tell you know that I knew I’d seen Sarah Palin somewhere before!

Sarah Palin is Karen Valentine’s last gasp at a public comeback!

And if you wondered about PalVal’s real motives . . . .

September 3, 2008

A free drinking game for those bleak days leading to the first Tuesday in November

Get a bottle of your favorite rotgut, play this with the volume wayyyyy up, and yell ‘Bristol Palin’ every time you hear ‘Debbie Gibson’ . . .

I’ve also included a helpful guide to add extra zest to this handy little game (with apologies to Mojo):

Bristol Palin is pregnant with my two 
party love child
It’s a indy baby all covered on Fox now
Stark raving fundy in the family values nation

We were secretly married out in Anchorage
at a little bitty chapel, 
Ted Stevens married us
rootin tootin, ain’t high falutin’

John McCain is a pantywaist, match my butt with his face
He’s teeny tiny two inches of terror, they’re all gonna
scare you
Hairbrained cockamamie knuckleheaded idjit galoot

No truth to the rumor about Levi and Bristol P —
only went to the motel, just to watch a little TV
Hate that kid, he must die

Saxophone solo

J-J-J-J-J-Jenna B, is wrestling in jello
Body slamming Bristol P, they’re covered head
to toe
h*** on, my h*** on

Repeat first verse

I’m stark raving fundy in the family values nation
Stark raving fundy in the family values nation
Stark raving fundy in the family values……….nation…….!!

March 24, 2008

It warms the cockles of my heart . . .

Filed under: 2008 election, Election '08, politics — Tags: , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 1:01 am

to see that old-style politics is alive and well in one of my old stomping grounds.

The background for the following two video clips is that Virginia is readying for three major federal elections this year – presidential, congressional House, and congressional Senate. In Virginia’s Ninth Congressional district, the Republican Party is pretty much expected to do what it has since 1986 – put up a sacrificial goat for the pretense of running against the Democrat incumbent who would be considered a respectable, intelligent and moderate Republican candidate anywhere else in the U.S. As the associated arithmetic will show, the Ninth District’s Republican party has failed 13 times in their challenge of Congressman Rick Boucher since the 1982 congressional election. Since 1986, the party has failed miserably 11 times.

In addition, the state Republican party seems to be stuck with Jim Gilmore as its choice to run for the U.S. Senate seat being vacated by John Warner (once the husband of Elizabeth Taylor). Gilmore’s opponent? the Democrat former governor who followed him and spent four years cleaning up what just about every Virginia resident acknowledged was Gilmore’s wreckage of the state transportation system and budget.

Given all of this, enjoy the ensuing jocularity as Tazewell County, Virginia Republican officials demonstrate their grasp of democratic principles as they enforce seemingly Bolshevik standards of party discipline in running a simple party mass meeting (read ‘caucus’) while committing intra-party fratricide. Thanks to the blog Raising Kaine for tonight’s entertainment.

Part one . . .

 

and Part two

It should be noted that the two uniformed officers stepping outside the building in clip one and seen outside the building in clip two are NOT Virginia State Police as claimed in the Youtube side notes. Rather, they are Tazewell, Va. town police officers. What police are doing inside a Republican mass meeting might be interesting, though.

I remember writing a couple of years ago at least one editorial encouraging all Tazewell County voters to show up at the party meetings of their choice and take advantage of the lip service either party pays to American voters and a free democracy.

Sounds like what’s needed is a Glorious Revolution of our own, where the tired old deadwood gets run out of town but with no bloodshed.

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