Frontier Former Editor

January 19, 2009

Like the two French diplomats reportedly said at Compiegne in May 1940 . . .

“A relief.”

“Yes, like crapping your pants.”

That should sum up George W. Bush’s departure tomorrow. I wouldn’t care if the inauguration was the Second Coming along with a burning bush, the parting of the Potomac, tastefully-done pillars of salt, Maccabees, Purim and Genesis (not with Phil Collins): George W. Bush has left this country with a vast landscape of scorched philosophical, spiritual and physical earth. In my darkest corner of my heart, I find more good in Richard Nixon’s evil persona than in Bush’s good old boy emptiness.

I hope Obama can start to bring the ship of state around to a calmer, more rational course, but it’s going to be awfully hard given what Bush and his puppeteers have left for us.

Not to mention what we allowed the stupid bastard to do and be conned into doing. Maybe he can stay locked in his now-gated community and start reading Tom Clancy as fact.

Please, George, please don’t let the door hit you in the ass Tuesday.

December 30, 2008

I’m almost impressed with Blagojevich.

Filed under: 2008 election, blaxploitation, Election '08, scumbags — Tags: , , , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:29 pm

I didn’t think a white politician in the U.S. had the gall anymore to hold a public sacrifice of a black man.

Granted, Blagojevich didn’t lynch him, drag him by a chain from the back of a pickup truck, let him loose in the woods to be killed by a pack of hunting dogs, or shoot him.

He did worse. He appointed him as U.S. Senator and ensured that he would die politically at the hands of those who swore they would not allow Blagojevich to blaspheme the process.

There just might be a job opportunity in hell for this towheaded shitbird yet.

August 23, 2008

I got my text from Obama, dahling!


Why didn’t he just tie piano wire around his scrotum and hang a cinderblock from it? Same effect.

May 5, 2008

If this is the stream of my conscious, then someone sue the Army Corps of Engineers

If the last two weeks haven’t been enough to make you want to test the Secret Service’s protection of presidential candidates, then you’ve broken through the tasteless store-bought pie crust of pop culture to find an incredible mince pie of such juicy morsels as:

– Austria, the only country stupid enough to elect a former SS officer as president and then ignore a well respected man about der stadt as he keeps a shadow family in the basement (the U.S. allows legions of scum to maintain secret chambers of horrors in their homes, but we’ve only managed to elect a wannabe fascist as vice president in the last couple of decades). If they would only use their powers for good – a good sachertorte.

– a presidential election whose attendance may very well have been eclipsed by the opening weekend of ‘Iron Man’ (and Robert Downey Jr.’s character flaws are so much more endearing and authentic than those of the current crop of presidential candidates). I’d much rather watch Downey shoot heroin, break in and fall asleep in a child’s bedroom, and then be sincerely contrite in court than I would watch Hillary down a boilermaker and claim to be one of the descamisados or watch Barack play another pick-up high school gym basketball game in that USMC sweatshirt or see McCain in whatever in hell express he’s named his tour bus these days.

– the U.S. oil industry, which continually amazes in its capacity to have butter melt in its collective mouth as it claims that its profits really aren’t profits.

– Paula Abdul’s ability to survive beyond 1990 as a celebrity. In retrospect, Toni Basil should have survived longer. My verdict: Abdul shouldn’t be allowed to teach dance classes for pre-teen pageants, let alone be on television for any reason.

– the American press’ development of enough backbone to ask Dubya why we should believe that Iraq is swinging our way after the past five years. Too goddamn bad they didn’t become vertebrates before the 2000 election.

– corn as the solution to our energy needs. It sounds like an episode of ‘Green Acres’ with Mr Haney, Eb and Hank Kimball as the weird sisters around the silver-soldered copper still as Arnold Ziffel stokes the fire and Lisa makes pancakes.

– I’d question Tom Cruise, but short crazy men have already made their impact on world history at least twice in the 20th century. Are you listening, Adolf and ‘L’il Kim’?

I’ve decided that I’m going to let this election happen in whatever mutated form it takes. I’ll vote, if only because it gives me the moral right to bitch long and hard about the result, but it looks like “The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire” will be next year’s beach read.

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