Frontier Former Editor

January 19, 2009

Like the two French diplomats reportedly said at Compiegne in May 1940 . . .

“A relief.”

“Yes, like crapping your pants.”

That should sum up George W. Bush’s departure tomorrow. I wouldn’t care if the inauguration was the Second Coming along with a burning bush, the parting of the Potomac, tastefully-done pillars of salt, Maccabees, Purim and Genesis (not with Phil Collins): George W. Bush has left this country with a vast landscape of scorched philosophical, spiritual and physical earth. In my darkest corner of my heart, I find more good in Richard Nixon’s evil persona than in Bush’s good old boy emptiness.

I hope Obama can start to bring the ship of state around to a calmer, more rational course, but it’s going to be awfully hard given what Bush and his puppeteers have left for us.

Not to mention what we allowed the stupid bastard to do and be conned into doing. Maybe he can stay locked in his now-gated community and start reading Tom Clancy as fact.

Please, George, please don’t let the door hit you in the ass Tuesday.

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December 30, 2008

I’m almost impressed with Blagojevich.

Filed under: 2008 election, blaxploitation, Election '08, scumbags — Tags: , , , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:29 pm

I didn’t think a white politician in the U.S. had the gall anymore to hold a public sacrifice of a black man.

Granted, Blagojevich didn’t lynch him, drag him by a chain from the back of a pickup truck, let him loose in the woods to be killed by a pack of hunting dogs, or shoot him.

He did worse. He appointed him as U.S. Senator and ensured that he would die politically at the hands of those who swore they would not allow Blagojevich to blaspheme the process.

There just might be a job opportunity in hell for this towheaded shitbird yet.

December 21, 2008

Assume the position, and not the Senate seat . . .

Bend over, Ill drive - courtesy of Chicago Tribune

Bend over, I'll drive - courtesy of Chicago Tribune

In a touching story bound to replace ‘A Christmas Story’ in our collective heart, some guy in Chicago painted a portrait of Rod Blagojevic assuming the position before checking into a federal correctional institute.

The only shame is that he’s not doing one of Cheney checking into confinement at the Hague.

From the Chicago Tribune (talk about a bunch of guys in the newsroom saying ‘Bend over, Governor!’):

“I was stunned when I found out what that criminal complaint [outlined],” Elliott said as he examined the painting in his Old Town studio. “Hopefully, someone is going to find this irreverent.”

Irreverent hardly begins to describe it. The scene imagines Blagojevich handcuffed and wearing an orange jumpsuit pulled down to his knees.

Among the onlookers is a guard, with a look of grim determination, pulling on a rubber glove.

The painting, which is taking Elliott a little over a week to finish, is titled: “The Cavity Search.”

Bet the artist is channeling the late Mike Royko.

October 31, 2008

Trick or treat

One of my neighbors showed a delightful spark of non-partisanship on Halloween:

 

Guess they figured McCain had eaten enough pumpkin in Vietnam.

October 12, 2008

Read this and make up your own mind . . .

I would like to state for the record here and now that the reservations I have held regarding Barack Obama have been solely based on his level of experience. Looking at those reservations, I think I fall in the same category of many who expressed concerns over Abraham Lincoln’s suitability of experience before the 1860 Republican presidential nominating convention.

No concern about his race, religion, creed or gender. Just his experience.

Given that, I should state that, in 2000, I voted in my first Republican primary because I thought that George W. Bush was a threat to this country and that John McCain was a counter to that threat. Until McCain began supporting the war in Iraq, I still had hope that he might one day prove a counter to neoconservatism.

So much for that idea.

Secretly and not so secretly, I’ve been hoping for some return to reason and gravitas in how this country conducts its affairs. Admittedly, that return might involve a trip in the wayback machine to George Washington’s election.

I haven’t seen much hope in that return among the ‘mainstream’ national Republican machine. The reasonable ones are in a wilderness between the Republican National Committee and the Democratic National Committee. When Barack Obama attempts to elaborate his positions – many of which seem fairly reasonable given a framework of logic and rationality and acknowledgement of the American social and political landscape – any debate gets lost in a spiral of irrelevant verbal feces generated by McCain staffers and that nitwit Palin.

There’s been no policy debate in this country during the election cycle. There’s been a lot of noise about patriotism, innuendo about name, race, inexperience and modern-day Red scare tactics.

I hadn’t run across this until this morning – mainly because I never thought that ‘Rolling Stone’ still had it in them – but it is worth a read. There’s nothing really new in it, but it does sit down and recount much of what has been out in the public for most of four decades. Before reading it, I’ve questioned McCain’s stability for several years jokingly and in darker corners of my mind. After reading it, I found that I’m not the only one asking some of those questions.

To Barack Obama:

No matter what my vote next month, please know that your race, creed, religion or name don’t enter into my thought process.

Just work on convincing me that you are a reasonable, rational and upright person who will listen to and work with other reasonable, rational and upright people to get us moving away from the center of the domestic and international messes in which we sit.

I have no illusions that you and others can solve it all in one or two terms. It would take decades to do that. Just show me that you’re willing, able and committed to doing it.

 

To John McCain:

I don’t know anymore, but I do know that you are what my father – a retired Navy senior chief petty officer – would call a bullshit artist.

Your vice presidential running mate is also a bullshit artist.

Your campaign staff, if examined by art scholars, would be given their own section in art textbooks as the ‘bullshit art’ movement.

The national Republican Party organization backing your try for the White House obviously knows its taste in art: bullshit. Even compared to many in the national Democratic Party leadership, your national backers have a superb eye for bullshit.

 

One of my blogging acquaintances told me a year or so ago that there’s nothing wrong with America that what’s right with it can’t fix.

I really hope so.

October 4, 2008

On voting . . .

I’ll save you some of my normal ranting; Max’s monograph on the topic was so much better and less bitter than I could muster.

I was reading the Virginia official elections and voting site this evening – probably the first time I’d done so since I was in the newspaper biz – and found some interesting tidbits in preparation for my trip to the optical scanner in November.

Our longtime Democratic congressional incumbent is unopposed for the first time since 1982. That’s 13 election cycles and 26 years, and I covered 7 of those elections in some form or another. I can also say that, in all but two of those elections, he was effectively unopposed because of the quality of candidate.

Virginia actually has six slates of presidential/vice presidential candidates. Besides the Republican and Democrat doom and gloom, the slate is damn near a political Baskin Robbins with Green, Independent Green, Libertarian, and whatever the hell Ralph Nader is calling himself this year.

Oh, Nader’s an Independent. How cute.

Maybe I won’t have to write in Eisenhower and Nixon this year after all.

For our city council (and I use the word ‘city’ loosely, since this place has less than 4,000 residents, shares its court and clerk system with the surrounding county, and somehow manages to keep a city charter it bogarted from the Virginia General Assembly in 1954 – a city it ain’t.) I see two people with whom I went to high school and college, respectively. They’re both reasonable folk, so I’ll probably choose them over the asshole scion of the now-dead owner of the local Pepsi bottling franchise and the guy of whom I know little other than the fact that he ran for council once before and left the same impact of a 5.56 mm bullet against titanium plate armor.

Our last asshole former Republican governor Jim Gilmore (as opposed to the prior asshole former Republican governor George Allen – Google ‘macaca’ for more) is running for U.S. Senate against the next to last Democrat former governor who did a pretty good job of cleaning up Gilmore’s immediate toxic political spillage. When two senior Republican legislators and a rather honorable former Republican governor (and father-in-law of the current Democratic governor) appear in ads and campaign appearances to endorse the Democrat, one would think that Gilmore would have gotten the message.

This, of course, merely proves that Gilmore is, in fact, an asshole and a not-very-smart one.

And then there’s the ‘city’ school board race. I used to cover that school board. I think I’ll write i, “Consolidate with the county, finally!”

With all the heartburn from reading the site, all I can say is that I can still cuss, spit, gripe and – in the end – go down and vote about it without the fear of being spied upon, trailed by state security, picked up, interrogated or executed.

Unless, of course, I vote in Florida.

If any of you reading this live in Virginia, you have until close of business Monday, Oct. 6, to go register to vote in this November’s general elections.

Do it.

August 30, 2008

McCain taps Palin for Veep slot

 

DAYTON, Ohio – Republican John McCain introduced long-term comedian and travel writer Michael Palin as his vice presidential running mate Friday, a stunning selection of a well-known Liberal newcomer who relishes lampooning the establishment.

“She’s . . . er, he’s exactly who I need. He’s exactly who this country needs to help me fight the same old Washington politics of ‘Me first and country second,’ ” McCain declared as the pair stood together for the first time at a boisterous rally in Ohio just days before the opening of the party’s national convention.

Palin, the first Liberal and English citizen on a presidential ticket, promised: “I’m going to take our campaign to every part of our country and our message of constitutional monarchy to every voter of every background in every political party, or no party at all.”

“… Politics isn’t just a game of competing interests and clashing parties,” added the Oxford-educated Palin, 65, who has built his American career in large measure by appearances on early episodes of ‘Saturday Night Live’ and some rather delightful and inightful travelogues on the Public Broadcasting Service.

In the increasingly intensive presidential campaign, McCain made his selection six days after his Democratic rival, Barack Obama, named another comedian, Sen. Joseph Biden of Delaware, as his No. 2 on the ticket.

The contrast between the two announcements was remarkable — Obama, 47, picked a 65-year-old running mate with long experience in government and a man whom he said was qualified to be president. The timing of McCain’s selection appeared designed to limit any political gain Obama derives from his own convention, which ended Thursday night with his nominating acceptance speech before an estimated 84,000 in Invesco Field in Colorado.

Public opinion polls show a close race between Obama and McCain, and with scarcely two months remaining until the election, neither contender can allow the other to jump out to a big post-convention lead.

On his 72nd birthday, McCain chose Palin, a man somewhat older than two of the Arizonan’s seven children and a person who until recently was the MP from County Ineyne . He settled on Palin six months after first meeting the governor and following only one phone call, argument and being hit on the head lesson between them last Sunday and a single face-to-face meeting Thursday, according to a timeline provided by his campaign.

The Obama campaign immediately questioned whether she would be prepared to step in and be president if necessary.

“Today, John McCain put the former Member of Parliament and upper-class twit of the year with zero foreign policy experience a heartbeat away from the presidency,” Adrianne Marsh, a spokeswoman for Obama, said in a written statement. A statement was put out on Obama’s plane with the candidate merely welcoming her, er, him to the campaign.

President Bush complimented McCain for “an exciting decision.”

Palin is a proven reformer who is a wise steward of taxpayer dollars and champion for accountability in government,” a presidential statement said. “By selecting a working mother with a track record of getting things done, Senator McCain has once again demonstrated his commitment to reforming Washington.”

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who came so close to being the first major party woman presidential candidate, said in a statement: “We should all be proud of Michael Palin‘s historic nomination, and I congratulate her . . . er, him and Sen. McCain. While their policies would take America in the wrong direction, the honorable Mr. Palin will add an important new voice to the debate.”

“It’s an absolutely brilliant choice,” said Mathew Staver, dean of Liberty University School of Law. “This will absolutely energize McCain’s campaign and boost Monty Python CD set sales,” he predicted.

Palin’s name had not been on the short list of people heavily reported upon by the news media in recent days, and McCain’s decision was a well-kept secret until just a couple hours before Friday’s rally.

McCain’s campaign said that Palin and a top aide met with senior McCain advisers in Flagstaff, Ariz., on Wednesday night. The next morning, the campaign said McCain formally invited Palin to join the ticket on the deck of McCain’s home near Sedona, Ariz., and later Thursday the governor flew to Middletown, Ohio, with staff to await Friday’s event in Dayton.

Describing the process that led to her . . . er, his selection, Palin told reporters he’d received word that he was McCain’s choice on Thursday and had met privately with him that day to discuss it. He spoke briefly as the two running mates surprised shoppers at the Buckeye Corner in Columbus, Ohio, where they purchased Ohio State University sports memorabilia. McCain and Palin started a bus tour across Ohio and to Pittsburgh, where they will hold a campaign rally Saturday. Ohio and Pennsylvania are two states that figure prominently in who wins the election this fall.

Asked why McCain chose her . . . er, him, his campaign manager Rick Davis said, “Part of it is personal fit.”

“He sees Michael Palin, as the future of the party,” he added. “These are people he’d like to elevate in that regard. reformers.”

“I liked the Limey c***sucker because of that Heinrich Bimmler bit he did years ago,” McCain said. “He reminded me of that rat bastard-faced f****er who ran the Hanoi Hilton.”

Sharyl Odenweller, a retired teacher from Delphos, Ohio who was visiting the store, said she was pleased that McCain had chosen an Englishman and someone “very pro Commonwealth.” But, Odenweller also said, “I’d like to know more about her . . . er, his experience. If something happened to him, would he be qualified to step into the presidency?”

With his pick, McCain passed over more prominent contenders like John Cleese and Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, as well as others such as former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge, whose support for abortion rights might have sparked unrest at the convention that opens Monday in St. Paul, Minn.

A self-styled hockey mom and political reformer, Palin became MP after ousting a Tory with hints of photgraphy, candid photography, wink wink nod nod say no more!

More recently, she has come under the scrutiny of an investigation by the Republican-controlled legislature into the possibility that she . . . er, he ordered the return of a dead Norwegian blue parrot. 

Palin has a long history of run-ins with the Alaska Oxford alumni association, giving her genuine maverick status and reformer credentials that could complement McCain’s image.

Her . . . er, his wife, is part Yup’ik Eskimo, and is a blue-collar North Slope oil worker who competes in the Iron Dog, a 1,900-mile snowmobile race. The couple lives in Wasilla. They have five children, and Palin enjoys golf, strangling animals and masturbating.

August 23, 2008

I got my text from Obama, dahling!

 

Why didn’t he just tie piano wire around his scrotum and hang a cinderblock from it? Same effect.

August 21, 2008

I’ve finally worked up my Election ’08 spleen . . .

and, for reference, I checked msnbc.com and cnn.com before I started just to make sure that Barack Obama still is about to announce his vice-presidential candidate any time now and hasn’t. Reminds me of that old joke, “How do you keep a moron in suspense? . . .”

Now, for all his faults, John McCain is a hero. He refused repatriation from North Vietnamese captivity as a matter of principle and honor, and I have to respect that. He’s far more of a hero than his fellow Republican and now-convict Duke Cunningham, who became the first American ace over Vietnam and went on to demonstrate his underlying lack of character while McCain got into a scrape over the savings and loan industry in the 1980s and came clean about his involvement.

Makes McCain sound like a saint, eh?

Well, while McCain certainly has a reputation as a straight talker, he also has a reputation for inconsistency, for impulsiveness, and for a general lack of depth when it comes to the more intellectual aspects of engaging in representative government. Case in point: McCain’s fellow prisoner of war Jeremiah Denton, who also became a member of Congress and who generally showed consistency and thoughtfulness during that career regardless of one’s opinion of his party choice.

As for Barack Obama, I don’t have any particular reason to doubt the general sincerity of his candidacy. I also don’t pay a great deal of attention to the McCain camp’s attempts to depict him as a rank amateur, because just about every President was an amateur at being President before they were first elected and/or sworn. Theodore Roosevelt was an amateur – albeit a reasonably gifted amateur – before he got bumped up a pay grade in 1901. Bush fils was definitely an amateur – a strong reason for the Republican National Committee to step back and think about its anti-Obama cant this late summer and fall, given that Obama hasn’t run any oil company into the ground and that he actually completed higher education with some degree of consciousness and good performance. As for Obama’s lack of military service, again refer to Bush fils and his performance as Commander-in-Chief.

Given that short-form assessment of the probable ballot choices in November, I’ve still not been even a smidge impressed with either man because they simply have lived down to the expectations upon American political candidates of the last few decades.  There’s not been many Washingtons, Lincolns or Roosevelts out there lately (and I seriously doubt that a Lincoln or Washington could get elected these days given the level of trust that government has engendered  amongst the citizenry), and McCain and Obama definitely don’t fall in their weight class. Even Reagan – perish the thought – had a concept of how he wanted to make a difference. Even more than in past years, this campaign basically has been a competition between two men presenting vague, disjointed, shifting and piecemeal platforms with damn little theme except the catch phrases of change vs. consistency. And when either candidate does happen to change a position for a good reason, then the imagery of shower shoes is dragged out for a noisy intermission.

I wish Sam Nunn would run. Probably the true architect of a resurgent moderate Democratic party that made Bill Clinton’s presidential pension possible, Nunn was no slouch on domestic and foreign policy issues and would have been a giant among candidates from 1992 to today.  And if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle . . .

Since Nunn’s not going to make the ticket, then let’s at least consider the issue of vice-presidential candidates. I haven;t heard of any apparently useful specimens listed among McCain’s supposed short list, but I can actually vouch personally for one of Obama’s list: Tim Kaine. I’ve known him since he ran for lieutenant governor, and have a had a few chats with him during that race and some contact since. I editorially endorsed him for his run for governor, and he’s done a pretty good job along with his predecessor Mark Warner in working through the fiscal wreckage left in Virginia by George Allen and James Gilmore. He may not be experienced in things like foreign and defense policies but, at the risk of sounding sappy and mushy, Kaine is a decent human being and has shown consistency, principle and ethics in his career.

As for Joseph Biden? What in hell was Obama thinking? Yeah, Biden has experience in foreign relations, and so did Ribbentrop, Molotov, Count Ciano and others. Biden also has shown poor judgement and even poorer skill in citing his sources.

It’s 1:07 pm Eastern time and I still haven’t checked back to see if there is a Democratic vice presidential nomination hopeful. Now I’m depressed and I’m going to stop here.

And I’m writing in Sam Nunn for President and Tim Kaine for Vice President on the first Tuesday in November.

March 19, 2008

In honor of Barack Obama’s uplifting speech on racism . . .

Filed under: humor — Tags: , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 1:38 pm

 

You decide whether or not I’m being a smartass . . . .

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