Frontier Former Editor

April 20, 2008

A paradigm for the new economy (translation: what a bunch of dumbasses)

Filed under: semi humor, tech — Tags: , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 6:44 pm

Here’s a business model for you:

– Market a rapidly developing communications technology with hip commercials, appeals to people’s fascination with being able to use it like something out of Star Trek, and all sorts of imagery about its convenience;

– Set up small boutique shops in malls across big- and small-town America with modern looking counters, wall hangings, product displays resembling an avant-garde art gallery, and young store associates wearing the same pattern polo shirts;

– Advertise service plans that emphasize empowerment, customized features and all sorts of bonus, weekend and nighttime minutes;

– Back all that up with:

* actual phones that don’t have access to all the features advertised

* convenience that comes only after a familiarization course resembling that given to military pilots transitioning from trainers to modern strike/fighter types

* boutique shop staffing to serve chain store customer levels

* product lines that change so often that one can’t get non-essential accessories such as chargers, batteries

* actual service plans that seemingly derive their origin from fizzbin and the terra-celestial cycles of Halley’s comet

* a corporate phone customer service call center which empowers customers to do anything but speak to an actual representative and technician to engage them in providing actual custoimer service.

After spending three hours today to attempt to get an answer about why my cell service was out, I can say wholeheartedly . . . .

 

Fuck Alltel.

 

At least my cuss-o-meter rating may benefit.

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