Frontier Former Editor

July 16, 2007

She may have zombie hamsters, but we’ve got a bureaucratic solution!

Filed under: homeland security, immigration, mad science, politics, vampires, zombies — Frontier Former Editor @ 10:51 am

The same guys who gave us radar, the steam catapult and 2010 may be doing this . . . .

http://raincoaster.com/2007/07/16/zombie-hamsters-the-whores-of-lisle-street-the-lord-of-the-flies-and-global-warming/

 but we’ve got a bureaucratic solution with this:

 “Vampires arrived in the United States with the first European settlers and followed the general population shifts of Americans in the early days of the Republic. During this time, fighting vampires was a task left to individual bounty hunters and local militias known as the Vampire National Guard. As the country grew and became increasingly urbanized, a more ambitious vampire abatement program became necessary. The Copper Creek Seige of 1855, in which vampires took over an entire California mining town, underscored the country’s need for an organized, well-trained force to combat the growing plague. The Civil War delayed implementation until 1868, when President Ulysses S. Grant officially formed the Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency.

An early vampire patrol
is organized

Initially, the FVZA was a specialized branch of the Armed Forces, modeled after similar troops in France and Great Britain. The troops were known as the “Vanguard,” a contraction of Vampire National Guard. They worked mostly in large cities. By day, they scoured likely vampire/zombie hiding places; by night, they patrolled areas of high vampire/zombie activity (slums, waterfronts, parks, etc.). Though they were underfunded, ill-equipped and often shuttled off to fight wars on foreign soil, the FVZA made some strides in controlling resident vampire and zombie populations. However, the huge surges of immigrants coming to America helped increase the U.S. vampire population to 300,000 by the turn of the century.”

 And to think that the anti-immigration bill folks haven’t stumbled onto this yet.

Or maybe they have . . . .

July 8, 2007

At least it’d be a change from JavaScript dice-rolling logic . . .

Filed under: zombies — Frontier Former Editor @ 12:43 pm

Yeah, I’d die eventually. But it’d be a spectacular death that takes lots of brain-eating corpse-suckers with me!

(quiz, via Max and Raincoaster

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