Never, ever, send a one-armed one-eyed man or Tom Cruise to do something that needs to be done right.
or maybe it was the scene where Cruise screams into the phone, “Show me the Reichsmarks!”
Then again, maybe it was the clip where he’s walking along with Rommel and yells, “I feel the need, the need for MACH SCHNELL, SCHNELL!”
“The fortunes of Hollywood actor Tom Cruise have suffered a blow with the news that his next big film has been postponed until 2009.
The release of Valkyrie, which tells the story of the 1944 assassination plot against Hitler, was first postponed from this summer to the autumn and is now not expected to appear until next year.”
I think what would have really helped the concept would been having Harrison Ford running from Tommy Lee Jones as a tough Reichsmarschall while tracking Cruise down . . . ‘The Reichsfugitive’ – or at least Paul Newman beating him in a game of pool in ‘The Color of Reichsmarks’
Bet Tommy will be jumping on couches a lot more this summer.
Why not head this off with a comparison between Claus von Stauffenberg’s Wehrmacht personnel photo and Tom Cruise’s Scientology ID badge picture? (note: this graf and photo use protected by existing statutory and case law regarding satire, parody and general treatment of public figures)
Thanks to Raincoaster’s recent missive on constipation and Herr Cruise, I am reminded of the time that I and my significant other attended Earth Day festivities in front of the Capitol in, I believe, 1989.
We were sitting on the grass about 40 or 50 feet abreast of the podium, enjoying the sunshine and general spring miasma of a May day in the District of Columbia when somebody began haranguing the crowd.
I looked up and asked significant other; “Who’s the short guy?”
“That’s Tom Cruise,” significant other replied.
“Iceman shoulda had an accidental missile release,” I observed.
From The National Enquirer:
“David Hans Schmidt, a celebrity story and photo broker who pled guilty in an extortion scandal involving Tom Cruise, has committed suicide, The NATIONAL ENQUIRER has learned.
The 47-year-old Schmidt was found in a shower stall at a North 21st street condominium in Phoenix, AZ.
“He hung himself, and the shower stall was so small, he had to squat to get the job done,” a source familiar with the situation said.”
Are they sure it wasn’t just a confused bystander watching a plumber?