Frontier Former Editor

April 20, 2008

A paradigm for the new economy (translation: what a bunch of dumbasses)

Filed under: semi humor, tech — Tags: , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 6:44 pm

Here’s a business model for you:

– Market a rapidly developing communications technology with hip commercials, appeals to people’s fascination with being able to use it like something out of Star Trek, and all sorts of imagery about its convenience;

– Set up small boutique shops in malls across big- and small-town America with modern looking counters, wall hangings, product displays resembling an avant-garde art gallery, and young store associates wearing the same pattern polo shirts;

– Advertise service plans that emphasize empowerment, customized features and all sorts of bonus, weekend and nighttime minutes;

– Back all that up with:

* actual phones that don’t have access to all the features advertised

* convenience that comes only after a familiarization course resembling that given to military pilots transitioning from trainers to modern strike/fighter types

* boutique shop staffing to serve chain store customer levels

* product lines that change so often that one can’t get non-essential accessories such as chargers, batteries

* actual service plans that seemingly derive their origin from fizzbin and the terra-celestial cycles of Halley’s comet

* a corporate phone customer service call center which empowers customers to do anything but speak to an actual representative and technician to engage them in providing actual custoimer service.

After spending three hours today to attempt to get an answer about why my cell service was out, I can say wholeheartedly . . . .

 

Fuck Alltel.

 

At least my cuss-o-meter rating may benefit.

*

August 26, 2007

Flying in my own private Domodevo . . . .

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070824/wl_nm/russia_usa_bomber_dc

 “An astounded member of the U.S. delegation said the bomber was not for sale but that it would cost at least $500 million if it were to be sold on the spot.

“That is no problem. It is such a cool machine,” the Russian was quoted as saying by the newspaper, which said its reporter overheard the conversation.”

I hear they did entertain an offer to sell Fred Schneider, Kate Pierson, Cindy Wilson and Keith Strickland . . . .

August 12, 2007

Observations (and not particularly nice ones at that) . . . .

Filed under: dumbasses, scumbags, tech — Frontier Former Editor @ 2:48 pm

Last night on Drudge’s website, the headline on the space shuttle’s potential troubles included reference to concerns about “potentially serious gash.” I’d thought that the Lisa Nowak hurdle had been cleared already . . . .

And while shopping at WalMart (all the other stores are gone) I noticed that, on the pack of flexible straws I was buying for my parents, they were “sanitary, disposable and fun.” Or maybe I’d accidentally picked up a pack of condoms.

And to the eternal credit of Murray Energy – the owners of the collapsed coal mine in Utah – they are now lowering a second, horizontal-lens camera into the recently-completed 9-inch hole after realizing that the one they lowered first had the lens pointing down only. Of course this makes perfect sense given Mr. Murray, who recently:

 – lambasted “the media” for inaccurately reporting on the dangers of the type of ‘retreat’ mining going on in that particular mine section. Living in a mining region and having reported on a few mine deaths myself, I can say that Mr. Murray probably suffers from rectal cranial inversion. Retreat mining means going back to a mined section, cutting the coal out of the rock pillars supporting the shaft and then pulling out of that section and hoping that the mine roof doesn’t catch you as it probably comes down.

– told a CNN reporter that his mine was perfectly safe and violation free, seconds before the reporter helpfully noted that it had been cited for more than 200 safety violations since Jan. 2007.

– also told the same reporter in damn near the same breath that the miners were going to be rescued and that they’d know more once they reached “the bodies.”

April 29, 2006

Government officials and lazy prosecutors beware!

Filed under: journalism, politics, tech, Third Reich — Frontier Former Editor @ 9:36 am

This is great stuff, and I speak from experience. In the last seven years, I’ve been subpoenaed or threatened with subpoenas three times to testify on stuff that I wrote and that was in print. I don’t get paid enough to do my job and that of a bunch of lazy prosecutors while violating my profesional ethics.

Not to mention the time I got federal grand jury duty once and warned the federal magistrate that I may run into conflict of interest because some cases I may have covered. I spent three out of four sessions sitting in the hallway because of, guess what?

Advice for paranoid reporters(April 25, 2006) from http://www.slate.com

A Manhattan Project To Create a Neuralizer: “Nothing can expunge knowledge from a journalist’s mind,” says attorney Bruce Brown of Baker & Hostetler. After all the documents and notes are destroyed and all the phone calls and e-mails are adequately masked, a subpoenaed reporter’s brain will still contain the information the prosecutor wants. If the American Society of Newspaper Editors would only fund the development of a “neuralizer,” such as was used in the movie Men in Black, reporters could reliably shed every memory about sources after the story goes to press.

Let’s get Bob Woodward to volunteer to go first.

[]

Ooohh, I like this . . .

Filed under: cool stuff, humor, mad science, tech, weapons — Frontier Former Editor @ 9:00 am

Just the ticket to deal with those free AOL discs you get in the mail and those malware-loaded Sony music discs

Hammerhead – Lego CD thrower

Now I gotta start buying Legos . . .

April 5, 2006

Once more, from the ‘Star Trek’ book of reality . . .

Filed under: cool stuff, mad science, science, tech, weapons — Frontier Former Editor @ 10:27 pm

Remember Scotty trying to trade the formula for transparent aluminum in one of the Star Trek movies?

Air Force testing new transparent armor from www.af.mil

WRIGHT-PATTERSON AIR FORCE BASE, Ohio (AFPN) — Engineers here are testing a new kind of transparent armor — stronger and lighter than traditional materials — that could stop armor-piercing weapons from penetrating vehicle windows.

The Air Force Research Laboratory’s materials and manufacturing directorate is testing aluminum oxynitride — ALONtm — as a replacement for the traditional multi-layered glass transparencies now used in existing ground and air armored vehicles. []

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