Frontier Former Editor

December 21, 2008

Workplace sanitation and Russian military aircraft

My current employer (‘a leader in solutions for the business community’) apparently hasn’t a clue when it comes to solutions for its community of workers.

Case in point: Restroom facilities.

On Friday, we had staffers from our client (‘a leader in solutions for bank customers that ISN’T getting bailed out yet’ – not a bad selling point these days) visit the site to see how well we can do the job at about 75% of the cost of the client’s regular employees. Of course, so as to not show the visitors what heathens and savages we are, we were barred from using the front restrooms so they could mess them up, have illicit sex in private, etc.

Perhaps more details is required here. The building has four restrooms: a mass facility each for male and female and each capable of handling about 8 simultaneous excretors (I don’t frequent of surveil the ladies room, so maybe Chuck Berry could come in handy here), and a one-holer for male and female up front. During daytime hours, the building has about 300 people working.

To add to the normal hilarity, maintenance will shut down one mass facility – usually during peak break times – for cleaning.

I won’t begin to address the age-old ‘potty parity’ issue here except to say that our corporation needs to revise its standard floor plan for new call centers.

Back to Friday.

In the midst of trying to impress our client, our computer link with the client’s customer service software crashed for three hours. I was on my extended midday break and missed that fun, but they saved some for me for my evening shift.

A sequence of two e-mails announced that the men’s mass facility would be shut down that day since the single water shutoff valve handled both mass rooms. Since the visitors had left, the two front one-holers would be men-only.

Five minutes later, the internal e-mail service announced that both mass facilities would be shut down for construction, leaving one one-holer for men and one for women that evening. Even with about 100 people on evening/night shift, the front plumbing was running pretty heavily.

That arrangement persisted all day Saturday., when about 250 people were on duty.  Now, applied probability and statistics pretty well guarantees that, even with just adults in the user group, someone’s going to have some sort of catastrophic or extended incident during their visit. And even more application makes it likely that someone having such an incident will not have the decency to clean up after themselves.

That held true. In euphemistic terms, if Lee Harvey Oswald had dropped about two or three mils on his sighting on John F. Kennedy, the lower interior of his limousine would have looked much like the adjacent floor and wall tiles of the men’s toilet.

Saturday was an interesting day. When the computer system crashed again across our building and our client’s main facility, it was a relief when several of us were given early outs. Missing two hours pay was worth it to get the hell out of there. Otherwise we might have been assigned in shifts to burn diesel oil on drums of human waste.

What of Russian military aviation, you might be asking? The site manager had sent out another e-mail Friday, congratulating us for suitably impressing the client delegation  and for the wonderful military-themed bulletin board honoring our client’s main customer base. As I was heading out the door, one photo on the board caught my eye since I’m a bit of  an aviation enthusiast.

Amid all those photos of American servicemembers sacrificing themselves and defending our freedom was a photo of a Sukhoi Su-27.

Do svidaniya

May 15, 2008

Another entry in the “I kid you not” department . . .

and quite possibly at the same convenience store where Stiletto had her ‘night of the zombie doughnut’ moment just over a year ago (or was it two?).

I was driving back from taking a relative to the ophthalmologist today, and stopped at said convenience store (Interstate 81, Va. exit 14) to relive myself and buy a soda. After entering the men’s room and flipping on the light switch, I was greeted by an approximately 20″ by 20″ placard above the crapper, announcing “God Bless America”  and displaying a wind-furled American flag.

The only thing missing was Kate Smith, which may have been a good thing seeing that it was the men’s room and that I’ve never quite thought of Kate Smith as a public restroom-trolling whore.

Maybe it was a sign (metaphysically or spiritually speaking) or merely appropriate commentary on the current election season.

Stiletto: I didn’t see a Krispy Kreme case here, but that could be because the Bristol, Va. Krispy Kreme closed back in 2002.

September 3, 2007

I’ve been mean to Larry Craig, and he deserves it . . .

Filed under: Editorial, humanism, I'm not gay, Larry Craig, politics, public restrooms — Frontier Former Editor @ 8:03 pm

but not because of what may be misconstrued remarks on my part.

In and of itself, one’s sexuality is not really a concern for me. Straight, gay, lesbian, bi . . . I’ve got other things to worry about. If I’m going to like or dislike somebody, there’s better reasons to do so.

If Larry Craig was gay and had been trolling for consensual sex in a bar or other appropriate social setting . . . the power to him.

(more…)

September 1, 2007

Larry never lost his head, even when he was soliciting head . . .

at the Minnie,

St. Paul Airport,

restroom

And all the Senate pages were goin’ doo, da doo, da doo, da doo da doo, doo, da doo . . . .

 This one’s for you, Larry . . . .

August 30, 2007

Eine kleine Craigmusik . . .

Hey Larry, this song did wonders for Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman. Maybe one day everybody’ll stop talkin about you . . .

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