June 4, 2011
February 26, 2009
December 21, 2008
My current employer (‘a leader in solutions for the business community’) apparently hasn’t a clue when it comes to solutions for its community of workers.
Case in point: Restroom facilities.
On Friday, we had staffers from our client (‘a leader in solutions for bank customers that ISN’T getting bailed out yet’ – not a bad selling point these days) visit the site to see how well we can do the job at about 75% of the cost of the client’s regular employees. Of course, so as to not show the visitors what heathens and savages we are, we were barred from using the front restrooms so they could mess them up, have illicit sex in private, etc.
Perhaps more details is required here. The building has four restrooms: a mass facility each for male and female and each capable of handling about 8 simultaneous excretors (I don’t frequent of surveil the ladies room, so maybe Chuck Berry could come in handy here), and a one-holer for male and female up front. During daytime hours, the building has about 300 people working.
To add to the normal hilarity, maintenance will shut down one mass facility – usually during peak break times – for cleaning.
I won’t begin to address the age-old ‘potty parity’ issue here except to say that our corporation needs to revise its standard floor plan for new call centers.
Back to Friday.
In the midst of trying to impress our client, our computer link with the client’s customer service software crashed for three hours. I was on my extended midday break and missed that fun, but they saved some for me for my evening shift.
A sequence of two e-mails announced that the men’s mass facility would be shut down that day since the single water shutoff valve handled both mass rooms. Since the visitors had left, the two front one-holers would be men-only.
Five minutes later, the internal e-mail service announced that both mass facilities would be shut down for construction, leaving one one-holer for men and one for women that evening. Even with about 100 people on evening/night shift, the front plumbing was running pretty heavily.
That arrangement persisted all day Saturday., when about 250 people were on duty. Now, applied probability and statistics pretty well guarantees that, even with just adults in the user group, someone’s going to have some sort of catastrophic or extended incident during their visit. And even more application makes it likely that someone having such an incident will not have the decency to clean up after themselves.
That held true. In euphemistic terms, if Lee Harvey Oswald had dropped about two or three mils on his sighting on John F. Kennedy, the lower interior of his limousine would have looked much like the adjacent floor and wall tiles of the men’s toilet.
Saturday was an interesting day. When the computer system crashed again across our building and our client’s main facility, it was a relief when several of us were given early outs. Missing two hours pay was worth it to get the hell out of there. Otherwise we might have been assigned in shifts to burn diesel oil on drums of human waste.
What of Russian military aviation, you might be asking? The site manager had sent out another e-mail Friday, congratulating us for suitably impressing the client delegation and for the wonderful military-themed bulletin board honoring our client’s main customer base. As I was heading out the door, one photo on the board caught my eye since I’m a bit of an aviation enthusiast.
Amid all those photos of American servicemembers sacrificing themselves and defending our freedom was a photo of a Sukhoi Su-27.
December 12, 2008
Yes, one of the entries in David Letterman’s ‘Book of Top Ten Lists’ for new marketing names for KC has finally come true.
According to the New York Daily News:
“Four months after a Burger King employee lost his job for taking a bubble bath in a restaurant sink, three scantily clad teens were fired when they turned a basin at their northern California KFC into their personal hot tub.
“They landed in hot water with the chicken chain’s management when one of the bikini-clad dimwits made the same mistake as the Ohio Burger King employee – she posted photos of the dippy escapade on MySpace.
“The photos included captions such as “haha KFC showers!” and “haha we turned on the jets,” and were filed under a gallery called “KFC moments,” according to the Record Searchlight newspaper in Redding, Calif.
“The story broke before the unidentified girl could scrub public access to her profile. On her MySpace page, the girl listed herself as a 17-year-old worker at the Anderson KFC near Redding.
“”I’m a KFC worker, they are my best friends and my family,” she said on her site.”
Guess I’m doing Taco Bell for lunch today.
August 21, 2008
In honor of Max’s recovery from an apparent case of measles (by the way, if you had gone to the public health dept, you could have been case No. 132 reported in the last few weeks) and her potential phobia of South American nuts . . . .
Pink Martini and China Forbes
I had a rip-roaring case of stomach flu once, just hours after eating Vienna Cremes cookies, and I couldn’t touch the things again for 10 years because of the memory of how well they reverse direction.
July 29, 2008
Another entry in the “I kid you not” department.
About 20 years ago, I took a professional side trip as an assistant manager for the Roy Rogers fast food chain.
During one phase of that side trip, I was one of three assistant managers at the Reston, Virginia Roy Rogers (roughly a Northern Virginia hour’s drive time from Stiletto’s favorite strip joint). One of its claims to fame – okay, its only claim to fame – was its proximity to the first U.S. research lab to bring a strain of the Ebola virus into the country, although officials claimed it was fatal only to primates.
(Insert your own joke here – I could have filled the space with days of comments)
One of our most industrious workers was a young gentleman named Phuc Yu (thus the “I kid you not” designation for today’s story). While the first part of his name suggested a Vietnamese ancestry, the ‘Yu’ portion left enough doubt so that I refrained from stereotyping.
Phuc’s primary assignment was chicken fryer, a task which he learned quickly and by which we actually served a fairly decent fried chicken to the herds of yuppies roaming the Reston area during lunch time. If Ebola was one of our secret herbs and spices, it didn’t cause any of our regulars to collapse, weep blood and ooze liquefied organs.
Phuc could turn out trays of chicken in prodigious quantities, making him a handy guy to have around during weekday lunch rush, as was the case that fateful summer day in 1989. The lunch crowd had started assembling in our cafeteria style line in anticipation of our best selling three-piece all-white dinner, and Phuc had already fried up 16 trays of chicken (eight chickens x eight pieces per bird = 64 pieces a tray [32 pieces of white meat], or 1024 pieces of chicken in the ready locker].
A week prior to that day, our brilliant manager had decided to replace cleaning brushes and save a little money by buying two long-handled heat-resistant synthetic-bristle brushes. Upon their arrival, the brushes were lovingly marked on their respective handles as “For chicken fryer use only” and “For restroom use only.”
Phuc always followed the standard Roy Rogers Restaurant procedure of brushing the sides of the fryer free of batter fragments after every two trays of chicken and filtering the oil and brushing the fryer after every four runs of chicken. As lunch shift manager, I was doing my walkthrough of the kitchen and saw Phuc doing the brush cycle. As I watched Phuc approvingly, my eye wandered to the brush and saw the letters above his hand: FOR RES.
Standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the serving line, with about 70 customers for an audience, I lunged toward the brush and yelled . . . . “PHUC YUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!”
I’m pretty sure the shock of my homynymnal outburst served to distract the customers from the sight of me locking the chicken holding cabinet with its 1024 pieces of chicken out of the kitchen and toward the back door to join the contents of our dumpster.
I kid you not.
May 29, 2008
Just before this spring, I made a few observations on corporate healthcare and air superiority in southwest Virginia.
I’d like to give a gentleman identifying himself as a pilot with one of the helicopter services mentioned in the aforementioned post a forum today:
HEY DOUCHE BAG, I am a pilot on Wings X. We have six aircraft total and Wellmont just bought one which makes a total of seven, someone needs to get some facts straight before you puke out the mouth like this…. and just to wonder how stupid shit like this gets started…Thanks for nothing assbag!
Comment by Lt. Matt Hughes — May 29, 2008 @ 12:12 am
Recommendation: If I were you, I’d do my level best to stay from between MSHA and Wellmont in their quest for market superiority. It hasn’t been pretty in Tennessee and it doesn’t look that great in southwest Virginia.
Comment by Former Frontier Editor — May 29, 2008
As I recall, the departing Wise County Administrator recently was quoted in a newspaper that he had concerns that Wellmont was either pushed or persuaded to back out of its request to operate a helo service at its southwest Virginia facilities. Would you like to take the opportunity to call him a douchebag as well?
No wonder healthcare issues leave a bad taste in the mouths of some local residents.
Incidentally, I can state with authority that Matt Hughes is, in fact, not ‘my daddy’ and that, genetically speaking, I am not a colostomy or enema bag nor am I compatible for use with Summer’s Eve or similar products.
You have a good day, Lt. Matt.
September 23, 2007
By JENNIFER LOVEN, Associated Press Writer Sat Sep 22, 1:59 PM ET
WASHINGTON –again called Democrats “irresponsible” on Saturday for pushing an expansion he opposes to a program.
“Democrats in Congress have decided to pass a bill they know will be vetoed,” Bush said of the measure that draws significant bipartisan support, repeating in his weekly radio address an accusation he made earlier in the week. “Members of Congress are risking health coverage for poor children purely to make a political point.”
In the Democrat’s response, also broadcast Saturday, Pennsylvania Gov. moreturned the tables on the president, saying that if Bush doesn’t sign the bill, 15 states will have no funding left for the program by the end of the month . . . .
August 30, 2007
(Mann o Mann, I knew that German short fiction class would come come in handy one day . . . .)