Frontier Former Editor

October 6, 2007

Stephen Hawking is soooooo bad . . . .

Filed under: Christmas, humor, physics, Stephen Hawking — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:58 pm

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 Рwhen Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse-kick him, he postulated a neutrino-rich environment so dense that Chuck barely made it a quarter-turn before stopping dead in his tracks.

– when he needs knowledge, he stares and blows two puffs in his wheelchair control to create a four-volume set.

– life in Alpha Centauri measures distance in Hawking-years.

– he didn’t need the ‘Vomit Comet’ to fly parabolic arcs to experience weightlessness – he used his sheer intellect to create a negatively-charged field that supported both him and the airplane.

– wears a t-shirt that says “Arthur C. Clarke can kiss my bony white ass.”

Рunlike Heisenberg, can measure and describe physical events at the exact same time and location they occur.

– instead of spinners, he installed perpetual-motion flywheels on his wheelchair that generate limitless power and look bitchin when he cruises around Oxford University.

– he makes Freddie Mercury’s smile look perfect and still doesn’t give a f*ck.

Update: Rain reminded me of this goody (courtesy of Raincoaster – couldn’t find):

The Stephen Hawking Christmas Album

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