Frontier Former Editor

May 22, 2011

I feel like John Cleese, except for the ability to utter curt profanities at stupid teenagers . . .

Filed under: cuisine, decorum, ersatz food, fast food, food, food extenders, fun stuff, humor, Monty Python — Frontier Former Editor @ 5:46 pm

Sometimes truth is stranger than the Cheese Shop sketch.

As I stopped by the local national-chain sandwich shop this evening to get a fast dinner (don’t laugh too hard if you’ve been to Subway before), I decided that the remaining raspberry cheesecake cookies on the counter rack looked relatively appetizing. I asked for three, and the young lady proceeded to get tongs and remove them.

“That’s fine,” I replied.

“They’re very crumbly,” she said.

Decision time. Should I follow the trail blazed by Mr. Cleese four decades earlier and just blurt out, “I don’t care how ****ing crumbly they are! Bring  on the raspberry cheesecake cookies with all due haste and speed!”?

Answer: “That’s fine.”

I’m sure she either didn’t comprehend the ironic smile on my face, or else she called the police and I’m being surveilled for sexual harassment.

August 30, 2008

McCain taps Palin for Veep slot

 

DAYTON, Ohio – Republican John McCain introduced long-term comedian and travel writer Michael Palin as his vice presidential running mate Friday, a stunning selection of a well-known Liberal newcomer who relishes lampooning the establishment.

“She’s . . . er, he’s exactly who I need. He’s exactly who this country needs to help me fight the same old Washington politics of ‘Me first and country second,’ ” McCain declared as the pair stood together for the first time at a boisterous rally in Ohio just days before the opening of the party’s national convention.

Palin, the first Liberal and English citizen on a presidential ticket, promised: “I’m going to take our campaign to every part of our country and our message of constitutional monarchy to every voter of every background in every political party, or no party at all.”

“… Politics isn’t just a game of competing interests and clashing parties,” added the Oxford-educated Palin, 65, who has built his American career in large measure by appearances on early episodes of ‘Saturday Night Live’ and some rather delightful and inightful travelogues on the Public Broadcasting Service.

In the increasingly intensive presidential campaign, McCain made his selection six days after his Democratic rival, Barack Obama, named another comedian, Sen. Joseph Biden of Delaware, as his No. 2 on the ticket.

The contrast between the two announcements was remarkable — Obama, 47, picked a 65-year-old running mate with long experience in government and a man whom he said was qualified to be president. The timing of McCain’s selection appeared designed to limit any political gain Obama derives from his own convention, which ended Thursday night with his nominating acceptance speech before an estimated 84,000 in Invesco Field in Colorado.

Public opinion polls show a close race between Obama and McCain, and with scarcely two months remaining until the election, neither contender can allow the other to jump out to a big post-convention lead.

On his 72nd birthday, McCain chose Palin, a man somewhat older than two of the Arizonan’s seven children and a person who until recently was the MP from County Ineyne . He settled on Palin six months after first meeting the governor and following only one phone call, argument and being hit on the head lesson between them last Sunday and a single face-to-face meeting Thursday, according to a timeline provided by his campaign.

The Obama campaign immediately questioned whether she would be prepared to step in and be president if necessary.

“Today, John McCain put the former Member of Parliament and upper-class twit of the year with zero foreign policy experience a heartbeat away from the presidency,” Adrianne Marsh, a spokeswoman for Obama, said in a written statement. A statement was put out on Obama’s plane with the candidate merely welcoming her, er, him to the campaign.

President Bush complimented McCain for “an exciting decision.”

Palin is a proven reformer who is a wise steward of taxpayer dollars and champion for accountability in government,” a presidential statement said. “By selecting a working mother with a track record of getting things done, Senator McCain has once again demonstrated his commitment to reforming Washington.”

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who came so close to being the first major party woman presidential candidate, said in a statement: “We should all be proud of Michael Palin‘s historic nomination, and I congratulate her . . . er, him and Sen. McCain. While their policies would take America in the wrong direction, the honorable Mr. Palin will add an important new voice to the debate.”

“It’s an absolutely brilliant choice,” said Mathew Staver, dean of Liberty University School of Law. “This will absolutely energize McCain’s campaign and boost Monty Python CD set sales,” he predicted.

Palin’s name had not been on the short list of people heavily reported upon by the news media in recent days, and McCain’s decision was a well-kept secret until just a couple hours before Friday’s rally.

McCain’s campaign said that Palin and a top aide met with senior McCain advisers in Flagstaff, Ariz., on Wednesday night. The next morning, the campaign said McCain formally invited Palin to join the ticket on the deck of McCain’s home near Sedona, Ariz., and later Thursday the governor flew to Middletown, Ohio, with staff to await Friday’s event in Dayton.

Describing the process that led to her . . . er, his selection, Palin told reporters he’d received word that he was McCain’s choice on Thursday and had met privately with him that day to discuss it. He spoke briefly as the two running mates surprised shoppers at the Buckeye Corner in Columbus, Ohio, where they purchased Ohio State University sports memorabilia. McCain and Palin started a bus tour across Ohio and to Pittsburgh, where they will hold a campaign rally Saturday. Ohio and Pennsylvania are two states that figure prominently in who wins the election this fall.

Asked why McCain chose her . . . er, him, his campaign manager Rick Davis said, “Part of it is personal fit.”

“He sees Michael Palin, as the future of the party,” he added. “These are people he’d like to elevate in that regard. reformers.”

“I liked the Limey c***sucker because of that Heinrich Bimmler bit he did years ago,” McCain said. “He reminded me of that rat bastard-faced f****er who ran the Hanoi Hilton.”

Sharyl Odenweller, a retired teacher from Delphos, Ohio who was visiting the store, said she was pleased that McCain had chosen an Englishman and someone “very pro Commonwealth.” But, Odenweller also said, “I’d like to know more about her . . . er, his experience. If something happened to him, would he be qualified to step into the presidency?”

With his pick, McCain passed over more prominent contenders like John Cleese and Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, as well as others such as former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge, whose support for abortion rights might have sparked unrest at the convention that opens Monday in St. Paul, Minn.

A self-styled hockey mom and political reformer, Palin became MP after ousting a Tory with hints of photgraphy, candid photography, wink wink nod nod say no more!

More recently, she has come under the scrutiny of an investigation by the Republican-controlled legislature into the possibility that she . . . er, he ordered the return of a dead Norwegian blue parrot. 

Palin has a long history of run-ins with the Alaska Oxford alumni association, giving her genuine maverick status and reformer credentials that could complement McCain’s image.

Her . . . er, his wife, is part Yup’ik Eskimo, and is a blue-collar North Slope oil worker who competes in the Iron Dog, a 1,900-mile snowmobile race. The couple lives in Wasilla. They have five children, and Palin enjoys golf, strangling animals and masturbating.

June 30, 2008

Az, you make this way too easy . . .

Filed under: Canadians, humor, lost weekend, Monty Python — Tags: , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:12 pm

First, go see Azahar. She’s having a bit of a time having to host an Australian and an American and keep the Guardia Civil (and their airport security division the LaGuardia Civil) from arresting them. That alone should be reason enough for your sympathy.

On a slightly less serious note,  here’s an interpretation of her latest adventure in Spanish medical care . . .

 

Az, we’re rooting for you because, frankly, Robert Mugabe isn’t quite as personable as you.

 

August 8, 2007

For our older connisseurs of Python . . .

Filed under: cool stuff, humor, Monty Python, theft is sincere flattery — Frontier Former Editor @ 10:19 pm

Anyone can run the cheese shop or parrot skits from YouTube (funny as they are), but it’s far more satisfying to take advantage of the Pythons’ university education and eruditeness by watching gems like this . . .

July 28, 2007

In honor of our fine, upstanding administration . . . .

Filed under: cool stuff, humor, Monty Python, old times, theft is sincere flattery, Third Reich — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:31 pm

I’ve located this clip, featuring Michael Palin as Alberto the G, Graham Chapman as Tony Snow, and John Cleese in a composite of damn near every other scumbag working in the Executive Branch.

July 26, 2007

Get your daily dose of philosophy . . .

Filed under: Foster's, humor, Monty Python, philosophy — Frontier Former Editor @ 8:13 am

here (St. Petrol via Raincoaster), and get a mild, yet pleasant tension headache, or

here, while enjoying your fifth Foster’s of the morning . . . . 

April 8, 2006

Sounds like a job for the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch . . .

Filed under: domestic livestock, fast food, Is he tall enough to reach the table?, Monty Python, rabbits — Frontier Former Editor @ 5:49 pm

Nothing like a rabbit that can hold its own. Looks like something out of “Watership Down.” Maybe this is the real reason that Dubya wanted to develop nuclear bunker penetrators. What a great concept for a Bugs Bunny cartoon . . . . .


German rabbit breeder Karl Szmolinsky presents his giant male breeding rabbit ‘Robert'(April 7, 2006) from news.yahoo.com

Bigs bunny: monster rabbit devours English veggie plots (April 8, 2006) from news.yahoo.com

LONDON (AFP) – In a tale reminiscent of the last Wallace and Gromit movie, furious villagers in northeast England have hired armed guards to protect their beloved communal vegetable gardens from a suspected monster rabbit.
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