Frontier Former Editor

May 21, 2011

Not rapture, but sinister

Filed under: Christianity, God, logic, lost weekend, My God, it's full of stars, Walmart — Frontier Former Editor @ 8:26 pm

While my recent presentation on the now-disproven May 21 rapture was meant purely as deadpan humor, I decided to visit a Wal-Mart at the appointed hour of rapture to take a few photos to prove to our more superstitious fellow men and women that they suffered merely from rectal-cranial inversion.

As expected, I saw no mass flashes and ascending human forms at 6 p.m. eastern U.S. time. But being the rationalist that I am (hold the snickers), I still tested the delusional claims of Harold Camper and found something sinister and well cloaked.

Clothing racks were well stocked – far more stocked than on any other day I’ve been in a Wal-Mart. I began covertly photographing  the scene:

Well stocked shelves at racks in Wal-Mart? Verrry suspicious ...

Well stocked shelves at racks in Wal-Mart? Verrry suspicious ...

As I tried to remain unobtrusive (yeah, keep on laughing …), I saw other hints that, in fact, people had mysteriously disappeared in recent moments.

Two belts just lying in the floor? Hmmmmmm ...

Two belts just lying in the floor? Hmmmmmm ...

My word! Could have an entire family just tossed their clothes in the basket and gone to meet their maker?

My word! Could have an entire family just tossed their clothes in the basket and gone to meet their maker?

And then I saw the dressing rooms. I stood back, pretending to compare bargains on tube socks while noticing the parade of shoppers entering the dressing stalls. As each shopper entered, they never exited. Yet more people filed into the rooms as the attendant smiled. Finally, I was able to get the photograph I feared . . .

I saw the light, and I am afraid ...

I saw the light, and I am afraid ...

Note the vertical shafts on light from the stalls.  I’m sure I’ve found the secret to Wal-Mart’s ‘everyday low prices.’

Be afraid. Very afraid.

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December 6, 2007

We live in a truly enlightened age . . . . my ass

Things have been a little off in my world lately, but I’ve recently come to the conclusion that Barbara Walters has done a great service to the world – she’s shown just how low the state of education in this country has fallen.

Case in point, Sherry Shepherd . . . .

sherrishepherdontheview.jpg

Ms. Shepherd’s recent observations that Christianity predates even Greek and early Roman civilization and quite possibly man and dinosaurs is a great relief to me.  I was wondering just how stupid that American society has become, and Shepherd has graciously provided a quantifiable benchmark to measure that stupidity.

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