Never, ever, send a one-armed one-eyed man or Tom Cruise to do something that needs to be done right.
I watched a movie Thursday. Without going into plot details (actually irrelevant for the purposes of this post), I would like to place three of the descriptive terms applied to this movie by the cable movie details subscreen:
‘Stylish’ – The director seems inspired by music videos, and not very good ones.
‘Smart’ – The director probably attended a Hitchcock film festival in college and now thinks; ‘Hey, I’ll bet no one uses odd camera angles and visual narrative like that anymore, so I’ll use it and look original!’
‘Taut’ – The film editor and producer cut 40 minutes of film to get rid of the self-indulgent and poorly executed Hitchcockian scenes, including the one where the director is walking a poodle down a crowded sidewalk.
Why not head this off with a comparison between Claus von Stauffenberg’s Wehrmacht personnel photo and Tom Cruise’s Scientology ID badge picture? (note: this graf and photo use protected by existing statutory and case law regarding satire, parody and general treatment of public figures)
Thanks to Raincoaster’s recent missive on constipation and Herr Cruise, I am reminded of the time that I and my significant other attended Earth Day festivities in front of the Capitol in, I believe, 1989.
We were sitting on the grass about 40 or 50 feet abreast of the podium, enjoying the sunshine and general spring miasma of a May day in the District of Columbia when somebody began haranguing the crowd.
I looked up and asked significant other; “Who’s the short guy?”
“That’s Tom Cruise,” significant other replied.
“Iceman shoulda had an accidental missile release,” I observed.