June 4, 2011
May 22, 2011
Sometimes truth is stranger than the Cheese Shop sketch.
As I stopped by the local national-chain sandwich shop this evening to get a fast dinner (don’t laugh too hard if you’ve been to Subway before), I decided that the remaining raspberry cheesecake cookies on the counter rack looked relatively appetizing. I asked for three, and the young lady proceeded to get tongs and remove them.
“That’s fine,” I replied.
“They’re very crumbly,” she said.
Decision time. Should I follow the trail blazed by Mr. Cleese four decades earlier and just blurt out, “I don’t care how ****ing crumbly they are! Bring on the raspberry cheesecake cookies with all due haste and speed!”?
Answer: “That’s fine.”
I’m sure she either didn’t comprehend the ironic smile on my face, or else she called the police and I’m being surveilled for sexual harassment.
August 22, 2009
if only to behold, within a 2-hour span:
1) the sight of Meryl Streep and an incredible simulation of a mutated Jami-Gertz lookalike laughing and cutting up like a pair of delirious giant cassowaries or Miss Hathaways;
2) the odd sight of Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci sitting together in a tub full of suds;
3) the impressive sight of Meryl Streep boning a duck (a scene done only once before by Lea Thompson in “Howard the Duck,” and with far less deliberation and brutality than by Ms. Streep);
4) a delicious-sounding way to reduce butter;
5) aforementioned duck encased in pastry;
6) Ms. Streep’s superhuman restraint from patting Mr. Tucci’s head like he was Jackie Wright on The Benny Hill Show;
7) a reminder why I’ll eat a poached egg only over my own dead, decomposing body;
8 ) another chance to see the Dan Ackroyd takeoff on “The French Chef” and to laugh harder and in a more-informed manner than the twenty-somethings sitting in front of me (that’ll teach the little bahstahds to look at their cell phone screens while the house lights are off);
9) the spectacle of Frenchmen actually being polite and nice to an American, and;
10) a damn fine recipe for beef boulignon stew.
And to think the young pseudo-adults from my workplace I saw at the theater were saying how much they were gonna get into “G.I. Joe – The Rise of Cobra.”
December 12, 2008
Yes, one of the entries in David Letterman’s ‘Book of Top Ten Lists’ for new marketing names for KC has finally come true.
According to the New York Daily News:
“Four months after a Burger King employee lost his job for taking a bubble bath in a restaurant sink, three scantily clad teens were fired when they turned a basin at their northern California KFC into their personal hot tub.
“They landed in hot water with the chicken chain’s management when one of the bikini-clad dimwits made the same mistake as the Ohio Burger King employee – she posted photos of the dippy escapade on MySpace.
“The photos included captions such as “haha KFC showers!” and “haha we turned on the jets,” and were filed under a gallery called “KFC moments,” according to the Record Searchlight newspaper in Redding, Calif.
“The story broke before the unidentified girl could scrub public access to her profile. On her MySpace page, the girl listed herself as a 17-year-old worker at the Anderson KFC near Redding.
“”I’m a KFC worker, they are my best friends and my family,” she said on her site.”
Guess I’m doing Taco Bell for lunch today.
July 13, 2008
Well, maybe two chicken recipes that somehow came to mind after ~M mentioned beer can chicken in a recent post.
Parachute Can Chicken
One (1) freshly killed, roughly-plucked chicken
One Parachute Can, or metal cylindrical container of roughly 5-10 gallon internal capacity
One (1) stick
One (1) gallon of gasoline
Sufficient tinder/dry vegetation/flammable materials to form a large pile around and on top of parachute can.
This was related to me by my Scoutmaster, who was then an active-duty Marine and fresh off of a tour in Force Recon.
Snatch a chicken (preferably the noisiest bird) from nearby village, behead, drain, gut and pull off as many feathers as possible while distancing self from villagers. Drive stick into ground and suspend chicken on stick. Place can/container over chicken/stick arrangement. Pile tinder/dry vegetation/flammable material over can, soak in gasoline and light.
Chicken should flash-cook as fire superheats air in can. As soon as fire burns out, knock over can, grab chicken and eat on the run. Meat should be hot yet pink (alright, bloody red) at bone. Feeds one fire team.
Stove-off chicken breast
One boneless chicken breast
One packet of crab/lobster boil, or two tablespoons of favorite spice blend
Bring medium size saucepan of water to rolling boil. Add packet or spices and chicken breast, cover tightly, and turn off heat. Let set 5-8 minutes then remove. Goes with just about anything you want.
You probably won’t find these at Chick-Fil-A, although I’ve been at one or two KFC’s where people hinted at recipe 1 being standard procedure.