Frontier Former Editor

May 21, 2011

Not rapture, but sinister

Filed under: Christianity, God, logic, lost weekend, My God, it's full of stars, Walmart — Frontier Former Editor @ 8:26 pm

While my recent presentation on the now-disproven May 21 rapture was meant purely as deadpan humor, I decided to visit a Wal-Mart at the appointed hour of rapture to take a few photos to prove to our more superstitious fellow men and women that they suffered merely from rectal-cranial inversion.

As expected, I saw no mass flashes and ascending human forms at 6 p.m. eastern U.S. time. But being the rationalist that I am (hold the snickers), I still tested the delusional claims of Harold Camper and found something sinister and well cloaked.

Clothing racks were well stocked – far more stocked than on any other day I’ve been in a Wal-Mart. I began covertly photographing  the scene:

Well stocked shelves at racks in Wal-Mart? Verrry suspicious ...

Well stocked shelves at racks in Wal-Mart? Verrry suspicious ...

As I tried to remain unobtrusive (yeah, keep on laughing …), I saw other hints that, in fact, people had mysteriously disappeared in recent moments.

Two belts just lying in the floor? Hmmmmmm ...

Two belts just lying in the floor? Hmmmmmm ...

My word! Could have an entire family just tossed their clothes in the basket and gone to meet their maker?

My word! Could have an entire family just tossed their clothes in the basket and gone to meet their maker?

And then I saw the dressing rooms. I stood back, pretending to compare bargains on tube socks while noticing the parade of shoppers entering the dressing stalls. As each shopper entered, they never exited. Yet more people filed into the rooms as the attendant smiled. Finally, I was able to get the photograph I feared . . .

I saw the light, and I am afraid ...

I saw the light, and I am afraid ...

Note the vertical shafts on light from the stalls.  I’m sure I’ve found the secret to Wal-Mart’s ‘everyday low prices.’

Be afraid. Very afraid.

September 7, 2008

What’s the difference between . . . .

Sarah ‘task from God’ Palin and James K. ‘Manifest Destiny’ Polk?

The glasses and lipstick make Polk look more butch.

Donna Brazile, in her previous guises as a Democratic presidential campaign strategist, generally leaves me with the same taste in my political mouth as did Roger Ailes, Lee Atwater and others. But Brazile made an interesting response Sunday on Wolf Blitzer’s Sunday morning gabfest about Sarah Palin’s mockery of community activists. This is a very close paraphrase if not a perfectly accurate quote:

“Jesus was a community organizer. Pontius was a governor.”

September 6, 2008

Manifest Destiny, as manifested by Sarah Palin . . .

Apparently, Sarah Palin seems to agree with Jake Blues . . . .

We’re on a mission from God.

I know all you all look down on National Public Radio as the last refuge of a liberal, but sometimes they have a nasty habit of running factual information:

http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=94332540&m=94332496

An excerpt:

“Palin now goes to a nondenominational Bible church when she’s in Wasilla, but her years attending Pentecostal churches, including the one she currently attends in Juneau, have no doubt shaped her faith and, possibly, her view of world events.

“For example, at the same service, Palin talks about the war in Iraq.

” “Pray our military men and women who are striving to do what is right also for this country — that our national leaders are sending them out on a task that is from God,” Palin said. “That’s what we have to make sure that we’re praying for, that there is a plan and that plan is God’s plan.”

“Poloma says some people might hear that and say Palin believes this is a holy war, or that Pentecostals think this is a holy war.”

Now I know who else Palin reminds me of . . .

 

James K. Polk, Manifest Destiny exponent extradordinaire. From Wikipedia:

“As a Democrat committed to geographic expansion (or “Manifest Destiny“), he overrode Whig objections and was responsible for the second-largest expansion of the nation’s territory. Polk secured the Oregon Territory (including Washington, Oregon and Idaho), amounting to about 285,000 square miles (738,000 km²) then purchased 525,000 square miles (1,360,000 km²) through the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo that ended the Mexican–American War.”

The only difference between Polk and Dubya? Polk was arrogant and competent.

Maybe Palin should remember that many a nation has claimed a holy alliance with God, as a central European nation once proudly declared . . .

 

Belief in God doesn’t make me nervous, despite or maybe because of my avowed agnosticism. What makes me nervous is politicians tossing around the concept of God as a symbol of support and justification as certain as the current day’s Gallup/CNN/MSNBC polls

Good night, Sarah, and remember the ark.

December 22, 2007

Christmas is a penance for agnostics, I think

Filed under: Christianity, Christmas — Frontier Former Editor @ 10:22 pm

Maybe ‘penance’ isn’t the right word, or maybe it is. At any rate, Christmas is a time when all sorts of strange thoughts start throwing my thought processes into a barrel roll.

The other day, I wished upon a barely post-teen co-worker (hardly a fellow co-worker) the same sort of stress I go through as a middle-ager. At that point, I realized I was being far meaner and evil than if I had wished death, disease or violence upon him.

And even though I question the sort of mysticism that passes as faith these days in the U.S., I keep hoping that people really would embrace the true philosophy and spirit that one Jesus Christ embodied. It surely would be an improvement over today’s Christianity and might make the season one of peace, comfort and joy, although many modern American Christians would think he was a long-haired Communist freak.

The best Christmas treat I’ve found this year – one pack each of coconut macaroons and orange jelly slices. I don’t know – they just sounded and tasted good. I bet they would have been better with a cup of tea.

And the best love song I’ve ever heard . . .

or the original at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=QXEpLsooMJ0

December 6, 2007

We live in a truly enlightened age . . . . my ass

Things have been a little off in my world lately, but I’ve recently come to the conclusion that Barbara Walters has done a great service to the world – she’s shown just how low the state of education in this country has fallen.

Case in point, Sherry Shepherd . . . .

sherrishepherdontheview.jpg

Ms. Shepherd’s recent observations that Christianity predates even Greek and early Roman civilization and quite possibly man and dinosaurs is a great relief to me.  I was wondering just how stupid that American society has become, and Shepherd has graciously provided a quantifiable benchmark to measure that stupidity.

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