Frontier Former Editor

October 17, 2007

The Reese’s Cup is dying!

Filed under: candy, death of an American icon, dumbasses, ersatz food, food, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup — Frontier Former Editor @ 2:07 pm

Okay folks, it’s almost as bad as buying a Ford the last decade or so. Or almost as bad as Harley Davidsons had sunk in quality until about 10 or 15 years ago. Or so bad that Gibbon should have written another volume of “The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire” specifically to address this.


The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup is going to hell in a handbasket.

I made this profound observation while attempting to eat one at work today. It’s bad enough that the makers have trimmed the diameter by at least a quarter inch in the last year.

In the good old days, and even as recently as a year or so ago, a Reese’s cup could cover almost all of the top of a soda can. An Eisenhower silver dollar could damn near hide the current production version of the Reese’s cup.

[Note: If you’re from the South or at least corrupted by long-term exposure south of Falls Church, Va., it’s pronounced ree-see kup.]

And my attempt to eat one today . . . let’s just say that shucking and slurping a raw oyster would have been easier and neater.

Used to be that you could open the wrapper of a Reese’s cup with one finger, and that the cup would separate cleanly from the wax paper cup cradling it. You could nibble away at the candy at your leisure (ambient air temperature allowing, of course.).

The goddam excuse of a Reese’s cup I ate today had semi-bonded to the wax paper. That came after trying to separate the fused flaps of the now all-plastic wrapper.

The technique for eating a new, improved Reese’s cup involves debonding a portion of the cup’s perimeter and then scraping the contents away with your front teeth before trying to taste and swallow the now-crushed candy.

No leisurely enjoyment. The process now makes you feel like an anteater with a mouthful of dirt and panicky ants.

It’s a goddamn shame when your country’s leaders can’t even handle basic colonialism and your candy industry can’t even handle a simple goddamn peanut butter cup.

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