Frontier Former Editor

March 6, 2009

I’m a believer . . . .

Filed under: Be HEALED!, guitar heroes, observations, old times — Tags: , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 4:24 pm

Confession: If I had ever had to hang out with the Monkees, I would have hung out with Mike Nesmith and Peter Tork. Micky Dolenz was just a little wound up and Davy Jones still has to apologize for that Brady Bunch appearance . . .

Anyway, Pete, I’m rooting for you on this one:

Peter Tork, a former member of the 1960s pop group the Monkees, says he has a rare form of head and neck cancer, but the prognosis is good.

The 67-year-old Tork had surgery Wednesday in New York. His spokeswoman says he is doing well and will begin radiation treatment after a short recovery period.

He announced on his Web site Tuesday that he has been diagnosed with adenoid cystic carcinoma on the lower region of his tongue. He says it’s an uncommon but slow-growing type of cancer, and it hasn’t spread beyond the initial site.

May 15, 2007

Dead evangelist sweepstakes . . . .

Filed under: Be HEALED!, dumbasses, GoodgodHAH!, My God, it's full of stars, Satanic verses, scumbags — Frontier Former Editor @ 8:30 pm

Thanks to Kelly for reminding me of my agnostic duty . . .

 I’m putting odds on Pat Robertson as the best pick to follow Jerry Falwell to the biggest surprise of their afterlife.

 I’m guessing that Pat will a) be crushed while doing one of his famous 2-ton leg presses; b) die from Red Chinese-poisoned wheat gluten in his Heavenly Protein Shake, or; c) suffer a massive embolism when he sees two or more Regent University graduates under Congressional immunity instead of God’s protection.

Place yer bets – the wheel is spinning!

May 27, 2006

Pat Robertson’s hulkin’ out

Filed under: Be HEALED!, marketing, religion, scumbags — Frontier Former Editor @ 7:18 pm

Pat Robertson’s hulkin’ out!

God love Pat Robertson – somebody has to, I suppose.

From his exploits on the way to and away from the Korean conflict – documented in a nationally-exposed lawsuit around the time Pat was running for the Republican nomination for president a few years ago – to his God-given control of the forces of nature against us heatherns, Pat Robertson has been a superhuman force to guide all us American scum either toward the light of goodness or toward the furnace door of hell.

Okay, it’s more like he’s done everything from getting his daddy the U.S. senator to get him out of a tour in Korea to starting an ‘interesting’ media, evangelical and higher learning empire stemming from a low-rent UHF television station with reruns and pleas for money to do either his or the lord’s work. Oh, and there’s also telling gays and people who don’t accept creationism that God’s gonna getcha with a big storm or flood or something.

But that crazy Pat’s at it again – he’s leg-pressed a ton. Yes, 2,000 pounds. At least that’s what he claims. And he has a video purporting to show him leg-pressing 1,000 pounds

And there’s the claims that he does it all thanks to “his age-defying protein shake. Pat developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients.”

All you have to do is register on his website – probably exposing you to a ton of unwanted spam and e-proselytizing – to download his (insert echo from above) AGE-DEFYING PROTEIN SHAKE!!!.

Pat Robertson’s shake from


Thanks to the wonder of (insert echo from below) OTHER MEDIA OUTLETS, I can reveal some ingredients of Pat’s (insert echo from above) AGE-DEFYING PROTEIN SHAKE!!!!!!

“. . . ingredients such as soy protein isolate, whey protein isolate, flaxseed oil and apple cider vinegar.”

I think I know what’s so AGE-DEFYING about it. It defies anyone of any age to consider a blended concoction of soybean, skim milk, vegetable oil and vinegar delicious.

I suppose that it might, however, generate enough intestinal distress to help 2,000 pounds achieve escape velocity.

Go get ‘em Pat. If mankind’s going to be killed by 2,000-pound weights from above, you won’t end up like Wile E. Coyote or some members of Monty Python.

May 18, 2006

Cosmic justice

Filed under: Be HEALED!, humor, scumbags — Frontier Former Editor @ 7:49 pm

While I’m not a far-left leaning sort of person, I generally believe there are much more pressing problems in this world than passing anti-gay marriage amendments or other conservative knee-jerk social engineering.

Once we ensure that our children are well-fed, healthy and educated; that people have the sorts of opportunities associated with the most powerful nation on earth; and that the citizenry’s basic rights are re-established, then maybe life will get back on an even keel.

But while we all wait for that day, I take some comfort in what happened to Pat Roberston and his bastion of American higher education, Regent University.

Back in the late 1980’s Regent tried to claim the highway in front of its campus under Virginia’s Adopt-A-Highway roadsidie cleanup program. Turned out that a gay-lesbian activist organization already had gotten the roadway and had its state-issued adoption signs bracketing the campus.

Regent and Robertson raised all sorts of hell and threatened legal action but were told to pack it by the state Department of Transportation.

I hope the signs are still up. I still remember Robertson when he was a low-rent televangelist with a VHF station showing Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker in the early morning and Gilligan’s Island reruns at night.

April 6, 2006

Ever wake up and feel like you’re in medieval times?

Filed under: Be HEALED!, humanism, religion — Frontier Former Editor @ 6:40 am

Before I ramble on, I’ll say now that I have no reason to attack anyone for having religious beliefs.

My problem is a world in which religion is increasingly crowding out the most basic rational thought and even proven scientific principles.

I wish I could remember the name of this guy and his exact quote, but a paraphrase of it goes: you can’t look at a sunrise or sunset and not believe in God.

And this has an inherent truth: something started all of this. But that something also introduced randomness and messiness into a perfect earth. Why do we have leap year? Why did the tsunami throw off the earth’s rotation by a fraction of a second a year?

But at the same time, I hear it from a lot of people in my community: God is punishing society for homesexuality/genetic engineering/secular humanism/insert your wordly behavior of choice.

And I hear it just as often: the King James Bible is the absolute, literal word and law of God.

No, the King James Bible was a government committee project that somehow managed to include some worthwhile thoughts and some beautiful turns of phrases. But it’s still a translation and interpretation of many previous translations and interpretations of ancient writings. Who knows how much has been added, lost or twisted in the intervening centuries?

Even though it’s a movie quote, I think Spencer Tracy’s line in “Inherit the Wind” still has merit: “It’s a book, a good book, but not the only book.”

Never write a blog entry less than 10 minutes after waking up . . . .

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