Frontier Former Editor

October 31, 2008

Trick or treat

One of my neighbors showed a delightful spark of non-partisanship on Halloween:


Guess they figured McCain had eaten enough pumpkin in Vietnam.

September 9, 2008

Okay, Palin’s thinks she’s on a mission from God, but maybe the rape kit story is a tad overboard

My enthrallment with Sarah Palin has shown an unusually short half-life, but even I have to lean toward the truth when a scumbag might be getting a bum rap.

Case in point: Eric Schmeltzer, a writer for The Huffington Post, unloaded both barrels at Palin and the town of Wasilla, AK, for defying a state law requiring local law enforcement agencies to pay for rape evidence kits for physical exams.

As Schmeltzer would have us see the situation:

“While the Alaska State Troopers and most municipal police agencies have covered the cost of exams, which cost between $300 to $1,200 apiece, the Wasilla police department does charge the victims of sexual assault for the tests.

“Wasilla Police Chief Charlie Fannon does not agree with the new legislation, saying the law will require the city and communities to come up with more funds to cover the costs of the forensic exams.”

What Smeltzer left out of his citings from The Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman article of May 23, 2000, though, was:

“In the past weve charged the cost of exams to the victims insurance company when possible. I just dont want to see any more burden put on the taxpayer, Fannon said.
According to Fannon, the new law will cost the Wasilla Police Department approximately $5,000 to $14,000 a year to collect evidence for sexual assault cases.
Ultimately it is the criminal who should bear the burden of the added costs, Fannon said.
The forensic exam is just one part of the equation. Id like to see the courts make these people pay restitution for these things, Fannon said.
Fannon said he intends to include the cost of exams required to collect evidence in a restitution request as a part of a criminals sentencing.”

Now, this doesn’t make the Wasilla PD or Palin look particularly nice, since Fannon obviously has a problem paying for basic law enforcement forensics equipment. And, by implication, Palin didn’t seem to have a problem with Fannon’s stance on this particular issue. But Fannon is expressing a just another iteration in a growing opinion among law enforcement.

But, yeah, Wasilla officials from that period look like a collective schmuck.

September 7, 2008

What’s the difference between . . . .

Sarah ‘task from God’ Palin and James K. ‘Manifest Destiny’ Polk?

The glasses and lipstick make Polk look more butch.

Donna Brazile, in her previous guises as a Democratic presidential campaign strategist, generally leaves me with the same taste in my political mouth as did Roger Ailes, Lee Atwater and others. But Brazile made an interesting response Sunday on Wolf Blitzer’s Sunday morning gabfest about Sarah Palin’s mockery of community activists. This is a very close paraphrase if not a perfectly accurate quote:

“Jesus was a community organizer. Pontius was a governor.”

September 3, 2008

A free drinking game for those bleak days leading to the first Tuesday in November

Get a bottle of your favorite rotgut, play this with the volume wayyyyy up, and yell ‘Bristol Palin’ every time you hear ‘Debbie Gibson’ . . .

I’ve also included a helpful guide to add extra zest to this handy little game (with apologies to Mojo):

Bristol Palin is pregnant with my two 
party love child
It’s a indy baby all covered on Fox now
Stark raving fundy in the family values nation

We were secretly married out in Anchorage
at a little bitty chapel, 
Ted Stevens married us
rootin tootin, ain’t high falutin’

John McCain is a pantywaist, match my butt with his face
He’s teeny tiny two inches of terror, they’re all gonna
scare you
Hairbrained cockamamie knuckleheaded idjit galoot

No truth to the rumor about Levi and Bristol P —
only went to the motel, just to watch a little TV
Hate that kid, he must die

Saxophone solo

J-J-J-J-J-Jenna B, is wrestling in jello
Body slamming Bristol P, they’re covered head
to toe
h*** on, my h*** on

Repeat first verse

I’m stark raving fundy in the family values nation
Stark raving fundy in the family values nation
Stark raving fundy in the family values……….nation…….!!

October 22, 2007

Vampires a-go-go, and the best vampire movie never made

Sunday was a vampire-themed day at the FFE household – we came into possession of free tickets to the Barter Theatre (it used to be Theater until some Yankee came on board as artistic director and tried to spiff up the image – wait, I’m part Yankee . . . .).

So, what did we see? It’s October, so why not see a Southwest Virginia-themed production of Dracula?

Without giving too much away, it was great entertainment if you were under 18 and mildly amusing if you were over 40. Guess where it stood on the FFE fun-o-meter? I think what gave me the case of the milds was the artistic director’s confusion on what he wanted the play to be. Was it a catchy little way to add that Appalachian flavor (if you’re a Yankee, then the third ‘a’ is pronounced long to show your arrogance and ignorance of local dialect), or was it the morality play and metaphor for sex in the post-AIDS era that the artistic director thought he might have meant in his playbill notes?

I’m betting that he wanted to show that he could capture Appalachian culture in a quick, marketable way he could toss out when tourists are coming through Southwest Virginia to see the leaves and find something else to do the rest of the day.

Hey, the tickets were free and I’m not a theater critic.

But to round out the day, we did pay (and full price, since Dracula ended after 5:30 p.m.) to see ’30 Days of Night.’ Without giving away too much, it’s based on a graphic novel (or high-falutin comic book) and throws some pretty decent little punches.

Short form – I didn’t mind paying full price for seeing it. If you’ve seen it, please feel free to say yay or nay here without trying to spoil the ending for at least the next three weeks – I will edit out any major plot spoilers that I catch during that three weeks.

And that leads me to the ‘best vampire movie never made’ part of the post title. Will Smith is coming out with ‘I am Legend’ in December. If you’re in my general age group, you know this movie is based on the Richard Matheson novella of the same name and has been filmed twice: ‘The Last Man on Earth’ with Vincent Price, and ‘The Omega Man’ with Charlton Heston.

Price’s version is the most fathful to Matheson’s book, but it’s kind of ‘eh.’ While Heston at least gets to schtupp Rosalind Cash, it too is ‘eh.’

If you dig around on Google, you can find a 1997 script treatment for ‘I am Legend’ that tracks pretty well with Matheson’s book. Whether it forms the basis of December’s release, we’ll see.

 I like depressing vampire movies.

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