Frontier Former Editor

September 19, 2008

Words to live by

Filed under: dumbasses, humor — Tags: , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:33 pm

If I were Sarah Palin, I’d be thinking it truly was the end times (and I’d be teasing McCain mercilessly with my tight ass and perky tits, but that’s another nightmare to analyze at another time . . . .) after seeing some of the signs I’ve seen in the past couple of days.

At a local convenience store drive-through window:

 “No beer, lottery tickets or ephedrine sold through window.”

The Halloween sign hanging over the divider between the front line and kitchen in McDonalds in the local WalMart:

“Autopsy Room”

The laser-printed sign on the thermostat case at my workplace:

“Thermosts to be changed only by maintenance personal”



  1. I think you are being very harsh on Ms Palin. She seems like a thoroughly decent young lady. From my point of view, it is nice to see the ladies taking part in politics, we have had too many years of the show being run by stuffy business men. Sarah will bring some good old-fashioned common sense to her role. I will be encouraging Emma Bunton to run for office on this side of the Atlantic. It is a shame that Fanny Craddock is no longer with us.

    Comment by Vicus Scurra — September 20, 2008 @ 5:04 am

  2. Ah, Vicus, now I see why you all exported Victoris Beckham to Los Angeles now. Shrewd move to keep her from stading for the Commons . . . .

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — September 20, 2008 @ 6:54 am

  3. I always do the maintenance on my thermosts very personally.

    Comment by sledpress — September 20, 2008 @ 11:04 pm

  4. Buon Giorno, Signor FFE
    [Salve, Magister FFE]

    Je suis (at least on this occasion) en agrement avec Monsieur V Scurra

    She seems a pleasant enough young Lady

    ….. altho’ I’m not too sure how comfortable it would be for her to be the Mother-in-Law to one of the Junior Eagles

    …. I would imagine similar apprehensions might be the dominant emotions of the local Polar Bears and Sea Otters, if any are around after this young Lady gets to 1600Pennsylvania Avenue

    How much of Mrs Palin’s Speeches are written by (1) her & (2) Speech-Writers

    Alles Gute


    Comment by G Eagle Esq — September 21, 2008 @ 4:56 am

  5. Ms. Press – the thermosts with the mostess

    M. Eagle – I’ve heard Lucretia Borgia was a wonderful dinner hostess too. As for her oratory, I suspect that she contributes as many one liners as are written for her.

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — September 21, 2008 @ 10:32 am

  6. Guten Tag, Senor FFE

    Come on, you et Monsieur Metro should admit it

    ?? Who is more photogenic

    1. Mr Polk

    2. Mr Harper

    3. Mr Biden

    4. Mrs P

    A former Church Offizier perhaps shouldn’t advertize too much kNowledge about Miss Lucrezia

    BUT wasn’t there a major social problem with being too amiable with her

    == you became unable to get life insurance, because insurers included amongst hazardous sports the potentially life-shortening dangers of “shaking hands” with her Brother

    Comment by G Eagle Esq — September 21, 2008 @ 1:32 pm

  7. Ah, yes, Mme Palin is far more palatable than the afore mentioned three . . . until you turn up the volume on the television.

    But Senora Borgia’s ability to gather new guests merely demonstrated that, even then, style (a wonderfully appointed table) triumphed over substance (a cessation of all bodily life signs).

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — September 21, 2008 @ 1:55 pm

  8. Errr = shuffles from left talon … and then to right talon

    One is always nervous about disagreeing with a distinguished Reporter on a matter of fact

    …. but wasn’t it SenorITA Lucrezia ?

    ?? Did anyone live long enough to survive a marriage ceremony with her

    Terribly bad luck for a Lady whose Daddy was Pope

    Comment by G Eagle Esq — September 22, 2008 @ 1:23 pm

  9. Sorry, my Italian title gender is a bit rusty. Comes from hanging out with prisoners and politicians for so long . . .

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — September 22, 2008 @ 1:27 pm

  10. Senora? Senorita? These words are for Iberian caniglie. Signora e signorina, guys.

    Comment by sledpress — September 22, 2008 @ 9:22 pm

  11. I’d like some personal maintenance please

    Comment by nursemyra — September 23, 2008 @ 7:30 am

  12. Not from our maintenance staff, you wouldn’t.

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — September 23, 2008 @ 2:44 pm

  13. This comes of having so many intelligent Ladies visiting this excellent Space

    Qvick, Herr FFE

    Svitch to pseudo-German – they vill never catch us out

    1. Non-Germans of course don’t know any German to detect the false article

    2. Real Germans would’n’t realize it vas Germanisch vot vee vere faking

    Heil McAuncient

    Comment by G Eagle Esq — September 24, 2008 @ 8:25 am

  14. You’re screwed, Eagle. I’ve danced with too many Krauts for that ploy to work. And as for maintenance “staff,” that sounds like it could get really personal.

    Comment by sledpress — September 24, 2008 @ 9:04 am

  15. das geDammen und das geBlasten – encore OutgeCaught

    Comment by G Eagle Esq — September 24, 2008 @ 10:04 am

  16. Mais, mes amis, zis faking of ze Germans, it is to laugh, non?

    Ze Mme Palin, she has ze beauty, but she has also, how you say “ze crazee zat burns”.

    Ze M. Harper c’est most fit to play the Tin Man in ze upcoming remake of “Ze Wizard of Ze Oz.” Et encore I ‘ave ‘eard zat Monsieur Bush is incomparable in ze role of ze Scarecrow.

    Et pour le Lion? M. McCain, peut-etre? Faut dire, il n’est pas un “coward”, mais il est somewhat belligerent. On peut entendre in sa voice les mots “Put ’em up … Puuut em uuup!”

    Je suppose Dorothy doit etre played par Mme Palin.

    ‘Owever, in the version nouveaux, c’est les Voters de L’Amerique qui send her home.

    Comment by Metro — September 24, 2008 @ 7:18 pm

  17. That’s the most bravura display of Canuck everybody-talk I think I’ve ever seen.

    Comment by sledpress — September 24, 2008 @ 8:28 pm

  18. Nuff said.

    Comment by michaelm — September 24, 2008 @ 9:47 pm

  19. Hals und beinbruch, baybeeeeee!

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — September 24, 2008 @ 10:32 pm

  20. Mme sledpress!

    C’est outrrrrrageous! Ceci ne sont pas les words de Canuckistani French, mais les beaux syllables du Feature Monthly be le celebrated et lamented Punch Magazine, s’appellent “Let’s Parler Franglais”–un des more pleasant fruits de l’EEC des late-soixantes/early seventies.

    Pour un fine example de la langue Frenglish-Canuckistani known comme Jouale, vis:
    “Wait-moi sur le corner. Ch’uis back dans five.” C’est no joke.

    Comment by Metro — September 29, 2008 @ 12:59 pm

  21. this all has a certain jenny say what . . .

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — September 29, 2008 @ 2:16 pm

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