Frontier Former Editor

April 20, 2008

A paradigm for the new economy (translation: what a bunch of dumbasses)

Filed under: semi humor, tech — Tags: , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 6:44 pm

Here’s a business model for you:

– Market a rapidly developing communications technology with hip commercials, appeals to people’s fascination with being able to use it like something out of Star Trek, and all sorts of imagery about its convenience;

– Set up small boutique shops in malls across big- and small-town America with modern looking counters, wall hangings, product displays resembling an avant-garde art gallery, and young store associates wearing the same pattern polo shirts;

– Advertise service plans that emphasize empowerment, customized features and all sorts of bonus, weekend and nighttime minutes;

– Back all that up with:

* actual phones that don’t have access to all the features advertised

* convenience that comes only after a familiarization course resembling that given to military pilots transitioning from trainers to modern strike/fighter types

* boutique shop staffing to serve chain store customer levels

* product lines that change so often that one can’t get non-essential accessories such as chargers, batteries

* actual service plans that seemingly derive their origin from fizzbin and the terra-celestial cycles of Halley’s comet

* a corporate phone customer service call center which empowers customers to do anything but speak to an actual representative and technician to engage them in providing actual custoimer service.

After spending three hours today to attempt to get an answer about why my cell service was out, I can say wholeheartedly . . . .


Fuck Alltel.


At least my cuss-o-meter rating may benefit.



  1. Gee, Time Warner and I have been having this exact same conversation for the last six months over the recurring installation charges they were never supposed to charge me in the first place but have decided for good measure to recharge me over and over again even after I gave up the first time and paid them twice already. I hope there is a special place in hell for them.

    Comment by max — April 21, 2008 @ 4:47 am

  2. HA!
    Remarkably similar to the side effects of drugs that relieve the symptoms of one ailment and cause about 20 new ones.

    Comment by Donn — April 22, 2008 @ 1:02 am

  3. Maybe, but can you hear me now?

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — April 22, 2008 @ 6:30 am

  4. This is all tres irritant


    you shld vorry about the things tres importatnt en la vie :

    Are you able to pronounciate correctly :


    Comment by G Eagle Esq — April 22, 2008 @ 12:48 pm

  5. pair-a-dim

    Comment by Former Frontier Editor — April 22, 2008 @ 1:26 pm

  6. err

    …. umm

    … begorrah

    Oi tink he means :

    “para-dime” (or in Noo Yoik – “para=doime”)

    and I dinna ken the what it means

    but do these Amerikaner kNow how to pronunciate :


    Comment by G Eagle Esq — April 22, 2008 @ 4:26 pm

  7. I feel your pain… technology sux!


    Comment by Kindness — April 23, 2008 @ 2:21 am

  8. Ah, the cellular phone.
    Mankind’s most foolish of accomplishments.
    But I especially like it at 5:45 in the morning when some fucktard decides to let everyone on the train know how important he is.
    9 grams of lead to the brain stem, I say.
    I’m with you all the way, FFE
    For me, it’s Fuck Verizon.

    Comment by ~m — April 24, 2008 @ 10:38 pm

  9. Am I the only person in the world who doesn’t hate their cell company? Oh yeah, T-Mobile has the highest customer satisfaction rating of them all.

    Comment by Miss Cellania — April 25, 2008 @ 6:36 pm

  10. Tease!

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — April 25, 2008 @ 10:10 pm

  11. I do not hate my cell phone company. [Knock wood, oh interestingly it is T-Mobile]. I hate my cable company. With real hate. Vile hate. Hate that sends people to Hell hate.

    Comment by max — April 26, 2008 @ 12:59 am

  12. Oh, I’m working on my attitude toward my cable company – Comcast.

    Comment by Former Frontier Editor — April 26, 2008 @ 7:06 am

  13. Oddly, I hate both my cable company and my cell provider.

    Interestingly, they are Time-Warner and Alltel.

    Double suckage.

    Comment by JanieBelle — May 1, 2008 @ 9:28 am

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