Frontier Former Editor

April 29, 2008

If Roger Ailes had any sense of decency about him . . .

he’d have the cast of “Fox and Friends” summarily executed for terminal stupidity.

Apparently, according to Dan Abrams over at MSNBC, the Fox morning crew apparently babbled on about the Lincoln-Douglas debate in the wake of Hillary and Barack contemplating their own L-D style event. The backdrop to the Fox analysis? Side-by-side photos of Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass.

Let me make it easy and in terms culturally relevant to the numbnuts masquerading as morning show hosts at Fox. The Lincoln-Douglas debate involved two white men – one tall and one short, like this . . . .

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April 20, 2008

A paradigm for the new economy (translation: what a bunch of dumbasses)

Filed under: semi humor, tech — Tags: , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 6:44 pm

Here’s a business model for you:

– Market a rapidly developing communications technology with hip commercials, appeals to people’s fascination with being able to use it like something out of Star Trek, and all sorts of imagery about its convenience;

– Set up small boutique shops in malls across big- and small-town America with modern looking counters, wall hangings, product displays resembling an avant-garde art gallery, and young store associates wearing the same pattern polo shirts;

– Advertise service plans that emphasize empowerment, customized features and all sorts of bonus, weekend and nighttime minutes;

– Back all that up with:

* actual phones that don’t have access to all the features advertised

* convenience that comes only after a familiarization course resembling that given to military pilots transitioning from trainers to modern strike/fighter types

* boutique shop staffing to serve chain store customer levels

* product lines that change so often that one can’t get non-essential accessories such as chargers, batteries

* actual service plans that seemingly derive their origin from fizzbin and the terra-celestial cycles of Halley’s comet

* a corporate phone customer service call center which empowers customers to do anything but speak to an actual representative and technician to engage them in providing actual custoimer service.

After spending three hours today to attempt to get an answer about why my cell service was out, I can say wholeheartedly . . . .

 

Fuck Alltel.

 

At least my cuss-o-meter rating may benefit.

*

April 19, 2008

Bits and pieces

Filed under: humor — Tags: , , , , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:18 am

Thanks to Azahar for ruining my self esteem in some ways, boosting it in others, and having a neutral effect in yet others.

What do you get when you cross a Nobel Prize winner, a black radical, a New Zealander director, a British serial killer, a former West German politician, an Irish/New Zealander actor, an American director and a comic book impresario?

Some fat, gray headed guy from Virginia.

Go try it. Why should I suffer alone?

April 18, 2008

Wet beaver mass

Filed under: beaver, humor — Tags: , , , , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 10:58 pm

Even the Pope has to attract some beaver. Leave it to the fair and balanced network to give the masses their fill of wet beaver:

Pope Security Police Bag Beaver in East River
Animal Was ‘Struggling’ to Swim Near United Nations

 

“They did not say if they considered the animal to be a security risk.

But “it has pretty big claws,” said Lt. John Harkins of the NYPD SCUBA Unit.”

It’s oddly reminiscent of when Jimmy Carter was chased by some cottontail

Killer rabbit

(courtesy of Jimmy Carter Library via narsil.org )

Nothing like animal eroticism and public figures, I always say. Now if they could only catch Dubya hammering a sheep . . .

April 17, 2008

Dracula’s soul brother

Filed under: blaxploitation, bloodsuckers, humor, old times, vampires — Tags: , , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 1:20 pm

A little blaxploitation never hurt anyone, except fot the Bush administration’s use of Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice.

So, before he was the King of Cartoons and after he damn near destroyed Star Fleet with an automated Enterprise, let me present William Marshall as undead soul brotha number ONE . . .

And in all three roles, Marshall showed ten times the presence of William Shatner and Pee Wee Herman.

April 16, 2008

Since the Pope’s coming to town . . .

Filed under: semi humor — Tags: , , , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 7:26 am

I suppose I should at least honor his presence with a little theology lesson for all of us sinners, agnostics, atheists, etc.

Being technically a Southern Baptist who managed never to set foot in a church on Sunday and who became an agnostic in the classical sense (ask any American these days the definition of the word ‘agnostic’ and get ready for long periods of amusement and bemusement) ,  I’m sometimes amazed at the intellectual discipline required of the Catholic clergy before remembering my views on mysticism and organized religion.

And while I have nothing against Baptists (why, some of my best friends are (fill in the blank)), the Southern Baptist Convention and clergy never fail to amaze me with the sort of logic that is anchored by ‘then a miracle occurs.’

It may be a gross oversimplication, but I truly feel that organized (and sometimes disorganized) religion tends to mysticize the trivial and trivialize what could truly be considered mystical. And, metaphorically speaking, heaven forbid that one should try to understand the mystical, trivial or not.

I only wish that I could have found a clip of “The Find the Pope in the Pizza Contest.”

April 13, 2008

Max needs an attitude adjustment . . .

Filed under: humor, music — Tags: , , , — Frontier Former Editor @ 10:03 pm

with her complaining about the sun while I’m sitting here wondering how in hell it was in the high 60’s Saturday and now there’s a snow advisory.

Chill, Max. I sure am.

There’s a new marshall in town, or flight line Dance Dance Revolution

Okay, it’s depressing as hell even contemplating what the November 2008 ballot is going to look like,  so here’s something completely inane yet morbidly attractive . . . . . . dancing flight line marshallers and carrier deck crew.

Yes, those youngsters we pay less than minimum wage to spend their time trying to avoid being part of a jet engine’s mass flow while showing military aviators the way around the ‘parking lot.’

Since 1986, I’ve been of the opinion that the only decent part of the movie ‘Top Gun’ is the opening scene where the deck crew does its stuff.  Kenny Loggins, on the other hand, should have been sucked in the intake of a Pratt & Whitney TF-30 . . .

The Brit from No. 12 Sqdn RAF is an absolute hoot, but the USAF and Navy guys have their moments too.

Enjoy.

Contrary to popular belief, some Brits  do have rhythm, as one Senior Aircraftsman Tabreham proves with a vengeance . . . .

 

And it just has to be the experience of working in a continually pending industrial accident at sea that makes carrier deck crews so fascinating to watch, although standing in a continuous 40-knot headwind often makes their moves more of a vogue motif . . . .

 Catapult officers

(more…)

April 11, 2008

Who do you want singing your Bond movie theme song?

These guys?

Or this chick and her guys?

Personally, I have a white-hot hatred for the worthless sumbitch who bumped Chryssie and her boys from the lead theme slot in “The Living Daylights.” This Friday-night rampage is courtesy of Raincoaster’s dissertation on planet killers

Another FFE peek into what should have been . . .

On mortality

Filed under: God, humanism — Tags: , — Frontier Former Editor @ 2:46 pm

One can laugh and laugh, and then something like this comes along:

The Guardian, Tuesday April 1 2008

The German photographer Walter Schels thinks it not only odd, but wrong that death is so hidden from view. Aged 72, he’s also keenly aware that his own death is getting closer. Which is why, a few years ago, he embarked on a bizarre project. He decided to shoot a series of portraits of people both before and after they had died. The result is a collection of photographs of 24 people – ranging from a baby of 17 months to a man of 83 – that goes on show in London next week. Alongside the portraits are the stories of the individuals concerned, penned by Beate Lakotta, Schels’ partner, who spent time with the subjects in their final days and who listened as they told her how it felt to be nearing the end of their lives.

Photos here

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