Frontier Former Editor

March 16, 2008

No, not everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day

Filed under: humor — Tags: , — Frontier Former Editor @ 10:38 pm


I have nothing against Ireland. It’s a perfectly fine land with fine people and a new dawn after years of strife.

It’s the Americans who think they’re Irish when, in fact, they’re as Irish as Paddy’s Pig.

Now, I like Guinness as much as the next Irishman, and corned beef, cabbage and potatoes makes a perfectly fine meal. But I suspect there’s a reason that U2, Sinead O’Connor and Michael Flaherty seem to spend more time in American than in Eire.

It probably is an indicator of what a fine sense of humor the Irish really have.

With ~m‘s permission (I hope, since I posted it on his site first), I’d like to explain my view of Irishness in America . . . .

This is actually a true story.

I worked at a weekly newspaper some years ago as a rest tour from daily newspapering, and there was this character there who fancied himself the senior writer and arbiter of all things journalistic.
He was also quite taken with his Irish heritage, despite the fact that he was three generations removed from being a native Irishman and, if the truth be known, was probably as Irish as Paddy’s pig.
But year in and year out, this guy lectured us all at great length about how the Irish singlehandedly saved civilization as if they hotfooted it over to Alexandria, Egypt to put out the library fire and haul the contents to archival storage before scaring the Romans back south of the Apennines, interviewing every surviving Greek philosopher and getting back home in time for a big bowl of boiled potatoes. Every St. Paddy’s day, we had to endure the placement of said journalista’s annual “How the Irish Saved Western Civilization” column on top of the rest of the year’s articles on how every aspect of Appalachian culture owed its very existence to Ireland.
One day, as I was walking though the office spaces, I saw a loose thread on my shirt and muttered absentmindedly, “goddamn Irish pennant.” This was enough to get Mick Light to his feet to upbraid me about cultural unfairness and insensitivity and degrading Irish stereotypes.
Being somewhat of a cultural mutt myself (Cornish, Welsh, German, possibly Huguenot, and a genetic side trip into African and Cherokee), I simply replied . . . .
“They don’t call them Welsh pennants, do they?”

Also, catch his growing collection of Irish jokes so you’re well armed for Monday’s festivities. 

 And now, let’s enjoy one of my favorite Irish lessons – the origins of that catchy little tune Lilliburlero

Play the tune:

And sing along with meeeee . . .

Ho, brother Teague, dost hear the decree?
Lillibullero bullen a la
We are to have a new deputy
Lillibullero bullen a la
Lero Lero Lillibullero
Lillibullero bullen a la
Lero Lero Lero Lero
Lillibullero bullen a la
Oh by my soul it is a Talbot
Lillibullero bullen a la
And he will cut every Englishman’s throat
Lillibullero bullen a la
Now Tyrconnell is come ashore
Lillibullero bullen a la
And we shall have commissions galore
Lillibullero bullen a la
And everyone that won’t go to Mass
Lillibullero bullen a la
He will be turned out to look like an ass
Lillibullero bullen a la
Now the heretics all go down
Lillibullero bullen a la
By Christ and St Patrick‘s the nation’s our own
Lillibullero bullen a la
There was an old prophecy found in a bog
Lillibullero bullen a la
The country’d be ruled by an ass and a dog
Lillibullero bullen a la
Now this prophecy is all come to pass
Lillibullero bullen a la
For James is the dog and Tyrconnell’s the ass
Lillibullero bullen a la

So go to McD’s and get yourself a green milkshake, or go dump a 100 gallons of green dye in some waterway, or even go make a feeble attempt at getting drunk on some cheap domestic beer dyed green. And don’t forget to wear orange on St. Paddy’s Day. It’s a lot safer than wearing black and tan . . .



  1. You know, my friendly neighborhood (authentic) Irish pub carries black and tan, and I like drinking it, but there’s one day of the year I wouldn’t order it if my life depended on it.

    And the reason Michael Flatulently spends so much time in the US is that the Irish keep throwing him out. Wouldn’t you?

    Comment by raincoaster — March 17, 2008 @ 2:03 am

  2. By the way, Tyrconnell is a truly exceptional Irish Whiskey. Redbreast is even better, and there’s quite a story about the whole invention of that particular blend.

    Comment by raincoaster — March 17, 2008 @ 2:08 am

  3. Thanks so much for the link, buddy.
    I raised you one in my comments. 😉
    HSPD . . . {humming “The Orange and the Green”}

    Comment by ~m — March 17, 2008 @ 8:28 am

  4. Being as my heritage is Heinz 57, does that make me German? When anyone asks, I just say “melungeon” because they don’t know what that means, although I qualify for that, too. But I celebrate all holidays, CNY, Diwali, St. Pats, whatever else there is. Because I like holidays!

    Comment by Miss Cellania — March 17, 2008 @ 3:37 pm

  5. And I celebrate St. Paddy’s in my own perverse, out-of-kilter way 😀

    Comment by Former Frontier Editor — March 17, 2008 @ 3:55 pm

  6. I legally entered the States this weekend. While my wife went shopping I absorbed the vibe of North Dakota and the corner of Minnesota.

    Now I realise that this part of the country is stocked with Scandinavian descendents who actually do talk like they did in the movie Fargo. I kept sayin’ Prowler needs a boost just to see if anyone had seen the movie.

    Anyhoo. There were all sorts of Irish symbols and merchandise displayed?? You would think that they were 90% Irish. I don’t get it. WTH? Do they do this because all of the BIG cities do it and they don’t want to feel pedestrian?

    I thought that it was weird. It prolly annoys me that a dinky little island of sociopathic-alchoholic-pie faced-sods has about 400 more recognisable symbols and exports than mine.

    Atleast we have snakes..Nyeh!!

    Comment by Donn — March 18, 2008 @ 9:23 am

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