Frontier Former Editor

October 6, 2007

Stephen Hawking is soooooo bad . . . .

Filed under: Christmas, humor, physics, Stephen Hawking — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:58 pm

stephen_hawking_zero-gravity.jpg

 – when Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse-kick him, he postulated a neutrino-rich environment so dense that Chuck barely made it a quarter-turn before stopping dead in his tracks.

– when he needs knowledge, he stares and blows two puffs in his wheelchair control to create a four-volume set.

– life in Alpha Centauri measures distance in Hawking-years.

– he didn’t need the ‘Vomit Comet’ to fly parabolic arcs to experience weightlessness – he used his sheer intellect to create a negatively-charged field that supported both him and the airplane.

– wears a t-shirt that says “Arthur C. Clarke can kiss my bony white ass.”

– unlike Heisenberg, can measure and describe physical events at the exact same time and location they occur.

– instead of spinners, he installed perpetual-motion flywheels on his wheelchair that generate limitless power and look bitchin when he cruises around Oxford University.

– he makes Freddie Mercury’s smile look perfect and still doesn’t give a f*ck.

Update: Rain reminded me of this goody (courtesy of Raincoaster – couldn’t find):

The Stephen Hawking Christmas Album

hawking-lego.jpg

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13 Comments »

  1. Interesting.

    Comment by lauriekendrick — October 7, 2007 @ 12:36 am

  2. Would love to see HIS spinners. You know they’re happening.

    His chair has a bumper sticker on the back that reads “Suck my quark”

    Hawking…what a wild man.

    LK

    Comment by lauriekendrick — October 7, 2007 @ 12:37 am

  3. I heard he cheated on his wife with the wife of the man who invented his fancy talking box.

    I’ve always wondered how a man who couldn’t breathe without a tube could do that…

    I mean, he can’t even move his tongue!

    Comment by The Bagel of Everything — October 7, 2007 @ 2:52 am

  4. I quite like the lego Hawking. 🙂

    Comment by azahar — October 7, 2007 @ 9:10 am

  5. I really liked this FFE.
    Would have sealed it for me if there was a bumpersticker on the Lego wheelchair that said, “Behold the power of cheese”
    ~m

    Comment by ~m — October 14, 2007 @ 10:10 am

  6. Have you seen my entry on the Hawking Christmas album? Or the video of him doing Dance Dance Revolution?

    Comment by raincoaster — October 14, 2007 @ 5:42 pm

  7. […] Saved by lingonen on Fri 10-10-2008 Poster girls. Saved by teamxtremefan on Thu 09-10-2008 Stephen Hawking is soooooo bad . . . . Saved by flac on Wed 08-10-2008 Peter Diamandis: Stephen Hawking hits zero G (TED talks) Saved by […]

    Pingback by Recent Links Tagged With "stephenhawking" - JabberTags — October 10, 2008 @ 4:34 am

  8. Chuck Norris created and then proved the Unified Field Theory. Hawking warped space and time and plagiarized the proof before either of them were born, thus negating the proof.

    Comment by Bunk Strutts — August 13, 2009 @ 1:17 am

  9. There you go. Let’s see the U.S. privatized health care system do THAT!

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — August 13, 2009 @ 6:36 am

  10. Who is Chuck Norris ?

    Comment by G Eagle Esq — August 14, 2009 @ 12:07 pm

  11. Hon. Mssr Eagle– You seem to be on every blog I visit these days! Chuck Norris is God’s [fill in the blank].

    Comment by Bunk Strutts — August 15, 2009 @ 1:28 am

  12. :punching bag for Stephen Hawking’s pure, unadulterated genius?

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — August 15, 2009 @ 7:41 pm

  13. :interpreter and editor of Hawking’s pure unadulterated genius.

    Comment by Bunk Strutts — August 16, 2009 @ 12:08 am


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