Frontier Former Editor

October 28, 2007

I suppose it is easy to get pissed . . .

when the kids are behaving exactly like the parents. Not that it really surprises me, but it does have its own chuckle factor:

WASHINGTON (AP) – The homeland security chief on Saturday tore into his own employees for staging a phony news conference at the Federal Emergency Management Agency. “I think it was one of the dumbest and most inappropriate things I’ve seen since I’ve been in government,” Michael Chertoff said.“I have made unambiguously clear, in Anglo-Saxon prose, that it is not to ever happen again and there will be appropriate disciplinary action taken against those people who exhibited what I regard as extraordinarily poor judgment,” he added.”

Anglo-Saxon prose, eh? Fuck you Chertoff, you shitbag fuckwit goddamn Bush administration mouthpiece and douchebag. How’s that for unambiguously clear, Anglo-Saxon prose?

It doesn’t strike me as the dumbest and most inappropriate thing I’ve ever seen in government. After all, there’s:

  • – the actual FEMA and Homeland Security response to Hurricane Katrina
  • – the invasion of Iraq (and yes, it was an invasion)
  • – George W. Bush in general
  • – damn near anything Dick Cheney does on a daily basis, whether or not it’s classified.
  • – all those canned news spots issued by a private PR firm under a contract by the federal government on the Medicare drug benefit plan – the one with the fake reporter.

It just goes to show the real point Orwell made in 1984: totalianism in the future is the result of basically stupid, ignorant, know-nothing people that we allow to ooze into positions of responsibility.

October 24, 2007

‘Vampires, Guns and Money’

Filed under: American Bar Association, attorneys, bloodsuckers, cinema, horror, lawyers, movies, vampire castles, vampires — Frontier Former Editor @ 3:06 pm

I gotta give Miss Cellania her props – something I’ve failed to do in recent months.

Miss C has a link to a great list of the top vampire movies of all time over on her page, and I found myself going ‘yeah, uh-huh, right, good one, yep . . .’ reading down it. Go over and see how many you’ve seen.

Meanwhile, here’s some links to real-life vampire castles:






October 22, 2007

Vampires a-go-go, and the best vampire movie never made

Sunday was a vampire-themed day at the FFE household – we came into possession of free tickets to the Barter Theatre (it used to be Theater until some Yankee came on board as artistic director and tried to spiff up the image – wait, I’m part Yankee . . . .).

So, what did we see? It’s October, so why not see a Southwest Virginia-themed production of Dracula?

Without giving too much away, it was great entertainment if you were under 18 and mildly amusing if you were over 40. Guess where it stood on the FFE fun-o-meter? I think what gave me the case of the milds was the artistic director’s confusion on what he wanted the play to be. Was it a catchy little way to add that Appalachian flavor (if you’re a Yankee, then the third ‘a’ is pronounced long to show your arrogance and ignorance of local dialect), or was it the morality play and metaphor for sex in the post-AIDS era that the artistic director thought he might have meant in his playbill notes?

I’m betting that he wanted to show that he could capture Appalachian culture in a quick, marketable way he could toss out when tourists are coming through Southwest Virginia to see the leaves and find something else to do the rest of the day.

Hey, the tickets were free and I’m not a theater critic.

But to round out the day, we did pay (and full price, since Dracula ended after 5:30 p.m.) to see ’30 Days of Night.’ Without giving away too much, it’s based on a graphic novel (or high-falutin comic book) and throws some pretty decent little punches.

Short form – I didn’t mind paying full price for seeing it. If you’ve seen it, please feel free to say yay or nay here without trying to spoil the ending for at least the next three weeks – I will edit out any major plot spoilers that I catch during that three weeks.

And that leads me to the ‘best vampire movie never made’ part of the post title. Will Smith is coming out with ‘I am Legend’ in December. If you’re in my general age group, you know this movie is based on the Richard Matheson novella of the same name and has been filmed twice: ‘The Last Man on Earth’ with Vincent Price, and ‘The Omega Man’ with Charlton Heston.

Price’s version is the most fathful to Matheson’s book, but it’s kind of ‘eh.’ While Heston at least gets to schtupp Rosalind Cash, it too is ‘eh.’

If you dig around on Google, you can find a 1997 script treatment for ‘I am Legend’ that tracks pretty well with Matheson’s book. Whether it forms the basis of December’s release, we’ll see.

 I like depressing vampire movies.

October 21, 2007

Brenda Vaccaro? Next thing you know, it’ll be surfing based on other Match Game regulars.

Filed under: Brenda Vaccaro, feminine hygiene, surfing, web search — Frontier Former Editor @ 11:52 pm

Okay, I’d like to know who’s been surfing based on these gems:

Mrs Betty Perry Provo, ut
brenda vaccaro mp3
easy college halloween costumes
democratic nomination pole
easy halloween costumes
ted levine religion

Especially the ‘Brenda Vaccaro mp3’ – I don’t recall running any posts on Playtex tampons recently.

On second thought, maybe I don’t want to know who was surfing based on that entry.

October 20, 2007

Tales from the FFE-side . . .

Thanks to long-term sleep deprivation, I’ve had several little episodes come bubbling to the surface in recent days

9E8E, 9U44 . . . . they are but innocuous terms for the Dilbert dunker. If you’ve seen “Officer and a Gentleman,” you may have wished that Richard Gere drowned in the contraption.

Basically, it was a frame supporting two inclined rails. A set of stairs led up and along the frame to a platform where, waiting for the Naval Aviator-in-training or the old hand requalifying for flight status, was a simulated cockpit with a seat fitted with a standard military aircraft shoulder and lap harness. A roll bar above the seat capped off the tub.


October 19, 2007

Silly pervert! Kids aren’t for tricks . . .

Filed under: child molesters, Christopher Neil, scumbags, Thailand — Frontier Former Editor @ 7:31 am

Good news Rain! Christopher Neil  just won the Westerner-nabbed-for-child-rape Sweepstakes!

BANGKOK, Thailand – A Canadian schoolteacher suspected of pedophilia was arrested Friday in northeastern Thailand after an international manhunt that included the release of his unscrambled Internet photos to the public.

The suspect, 32-year-old Christopher Paul Neil, had been hiding in the town of a Thai friend who used to arrange some of his sexual liaisons with boys, police said.

“Bingo! We’ve got him,” police Maj. Gen. Wimol Powintara told The Associated Press. (more at

I hate to say it but . . . no, I don’t hate to say it – Enjoy a little Thai nightstick, you worthless little sh*t.

October 18, 2007

Cheap and easy Halloween costumes – ~m

Filed under: child murderers, Halloween costumes, In the Hall of the Mountain King, M, movie costumes, Peter Lorre — Frontier Former Editor @ 8:24 am


Hey ~m, all you have to do is practice whistling “In the Hall of the Mountain King.” Just don’t carry things to this extreme . . .

October 17, 2007

The Reese’s Cup is dying!

Filed under: candy, death of an American icon, dumbasses, ersatz food, food, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup — Frontier Former Editor @ 2:07 pm

Okay folks, it’s almost as bad as buying a Ford the last decade or so. Or almost as bad as Harley Davidsons had sunk in quality until about 10 or 15 years ago. Or so bad that Gibbon should have written another volume of “The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire” specifically to address this.


The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup is going to hell in a handbasket.

I made this profound observation while attempting to eat one at work today. It’s bad enough that the makers have trimmed the diameter by at least a quarter inch in the last year.

In the good old days, and even as recently as a year or so ago, a Reese’s cup could cover almost all of the top of a soda can. An Eisenhower silver dollar could damn near hide the current production version of the Reese’s cup.

[Note: If you’re from the South or at least corrupted by long-term exposure south of Falls Church, Va., it’s pronounced ree-see kup.]

And my attempt to eat one today . . . let’s just say that shucking and slurping a raw oyster would have been easier and neater.

Used to be that you could open the wrapper of a Reese’s cup with one finger, and that the cup would separate cleanly from the wax paper cup cradling it. You could nibble away at the candy at your leisure (ambient air temperature allowing, of course.).

The goddam excuse of a Reese’s cup I ate today had semi-bonded to the wax paper. That came after trying to separate the fused flaps of the now all-plastic wrapper.

The technique for eating a new, improved Reese’s cup involves debonding a portion of the cup’s perimeter and then scraping the contents away with your front teeth before trying to taste and swallow the now-crushed candy.

No leisurely enjoyment. The process now makes you feel like an anteater with a mouthful of dirt and panicky ants.

It’s a goddamn shame when your country’s leaders can’t even handle basic colonialism and your candy industry can’t even handle a simple goddamn peanut butter cup.

October 14, 2007

I think I’ll try for their next advertising contract . . .

Filed under: Blackwater, helicopters, Iraq, security firms — Frontier Former Editor @ 5:40 pm


photo by AP

Sunny days and Sunday always get me down . . .

because that’s really my only day off and I get to catch up with the latest examples of what I already know – this nation has allowed itself to become a ship of fools.

And for today’s laundry list:

  • Retired Lt. Gen. Ricardo “I didn’t know what was going on at Abu Ghraib despite it being under my command” Sanchez says the war in Iraq is a “nightmare with no end in sight.” (myway via Drudge)
  • A Florida jury decided that guards beating and administering their own form of medical revival treatment to a juvenile boot camp inmate was not a crime, even though  “[a]n initial autopsy by Dr. Charles Siebert, the medical examiner for Bay County, found Anderson died of natural causes from sickle cell trait [and a] second autopsy was ordered and another doctor concluded that the guards suffocated Anderson through their repeated use of ammonia capsules and by covering his mouth.” (myway via Drudge)
  • And nostalgia for the era of Allen Pinkerton and Baldwin & Felts is going strong this year, if Newsweek’s article on the topic is any indication. (Newsweek, via Crooks and Liars)

The bad part is, it’s all nothing really new. 


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