Frontier Former Editor

September 2, 2007

Just relax and take it in an inch at a time . . . .

Filed under: food, humor, I'm not gay, KY Jelly, pizza, straight men, workplace — Frontier Former Editor @ 10:29 pm

Probably the only high point of working Saturday – other than the worthless, incompetent, favorite-playing Limey supervisor that Great Britain was smart enough to chase from their shores to Southwest Virginia and my workplace – was the fat, stupid bastard who embarassed himself in front of about 50 fellow call representatives.

No, not me. I’m a fat, hateful bastard.

The fat, stupid bastard I’m referring to already has a Nero and movie-character ‘Fat Bastard’ reputation. Back in January, when management saw fit in their infinite wisdom to hold a cookout right at the time we get our Alberta clipper, FSB (not to be confused with moi, FHB) terrorized four of us as we were waiting in line inside for a tray of burnt offerings to be grilled and brought to the buffet line. As we stood polite and drone-like, the ‘chef’ brought in the burgers and placed them at the serving table.

Two seconds later, Jabba the Hutt with a crewcut burst in, yelled ‘FOOD!’ and cut in front of us. Thankfully, no one had limbs within a foot of the tray, but we all agreed later that about 8 to 10 patties disappeared in his wake.

Fast forward to Sept. 1, 2007: FSB and two other women are discussing whether or not to order pizza delivery (I doubted that there was enough Teamster and sealift capacity around to serve him, but I digress.)

One of the women suggests – without giggling – that they order a large pizza. FSB asks how big it is. She replies ‘Sixteen inches.’


I know that at least 10 people laughed their asses off within three seconds of his remark. I was one.

If I ever get wind that he’s ordered a pizza, I’m going to wait out front for the delivery guy and slip him $10 to include a tube of KY or Astroglide in the box.


  1. It should only cost you five. They love those kinds of jokes.

    Comment by raincoaster — September 3, 2007 @ 6:12 am

  2. […] post: Ya know, there really aren’t any related posts. Just go visit my friend FFE, k?  He’s funny, you’ll like […]

    Pingback by Is that really how it feels « Ration Reality — September 3, 2007 @ 7:00 am

  3. and I thought I was just an asshole . . .

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — September 3, 2007 @ 6:40 pm

  4. Yeah, you are. I wanted our readers to discover it for themselves.


    Comment by The Bagel of Everything — September 3, 2007 @ 7:36 pm

  5. Aw, you shouldn’t have . . .

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — September 3, 2007 @ 8:04 pm

  6. Getting wind of him having ordered massive pizzas sounds a bit scary, not to mention more than somewhat whiffy…

    Comment by azahar — September 4, 2007 @ 8:09 am

  7. Amazing! Pizza? Kinda like warm apple pie? LOL!

    Bad mental images. Funny tho!

    Comment by Myles — December 13, 2007 @ 5:05 pm

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