Frontier Former Editor

May 15, 2007

Dead evangelist sweepstakes . . . .

Filed under: Be HEALED!, dumbasses, GoodgodHAH!, My God, it's full of stars, Satanic verses, scumbags — Frontier Former Editor @ 8:30 pm

Thanks to Kelly for reminding me of my agnostic duty . . .

 I’m putting odds on Pat Robertson as the best pick to follow Jerry Falwell to the biggest surprise of their afterlife.

 I’m guessing that Pat will a) be crushed while doing one of his famous 2-ton leg presses; b) die from Red Chinese-poisoned wheat gluten in his Heavenly Protein Shake, or; c) suffer a massive embolism when he sees two or more Regent University graduates under Congressional immunity instead of God’s protection.

Place yer bets – the wheel is spinning!


  1. It’s a good job the buggers are Christian not Hindu, otherwise they would be back for another life.

    Comment by Vicus Scurra — May 15, 2007 @ 9:36 pm

  2. first thing out of jerry’s mouth:

    holy shit, you’re a woman!

    second thing out of jerry’s mouth:

    what are all these drag queens doing here????

    Comment by anna — May 15, 2007 @ 11:46 pm

  3. Third thing out of Jerry’s mouth: the wad of chewing tobacco when God’s auditor starts checking on those expense accounts for Thomas Road Baptist Church’s missionary efforts

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — May 16, 2007 @ 2:04 am

    Place your bets now.

    Comment by raincoaster — May 16, 2007 @ 2:39 am

  5. Dear FFE

    Poor Jerry – poor Jerry’s family – can I urge a more generous study of John Donne

    Meanwhile, to the Living

    What thinkest thou of Mr Wolfowitz ?

    Yr ob servt etc

    G E

    Comment by G Eagle Esq — May 16, 2007 @ 6:41 am

  6. Having met Jerry Falwell years ago, I can say that he was at once the most personable, charming and unlikable men I’ve ever met.
    As for Wolfowitz: what goes around comes around with an extra 200 knots.

    Comment by Frontier Former Editor — May 16, 2007 @ 10:24 am

  7. First thing out of Falwell’s mouth:

    I’m going back?

    As a carrot?

    Comment by Metro — May 16, 2007 @ 1:54 pm

  8. The big dampener on the “afterlife” is that there is no time for these guys to contemplate the fact that not only were they wrong, but that they led millions into wrongness! So, once you’re dead, you’re dead! No guilts. It is almost enough to make me invent an afterlife!

    sgnd God

    Comment by archiearchive — May 17, 2007 @ 1:51 am

  9. I hope that you’re right and Robertson is next, and golly-gee I sure hope that the gosh-darn Venezuelans aren’t involved!

    Anyway, if it is at all possible, I would like to see Pat take Ralph Reed with him when he goes.
    I think that Reed is the second most annoying little sob in the last 50 years of American Politics.
    Numero uno was that idiot from Wisconsin who cleansed Amerika of Kommunizm inb the 50s!

    Comment by homo escapeons — May 17, 2007 @ 5:47 am

  10. Dear FFE

    What a Grumpy GraceLess Unforgiving bunch of Visitors !!!

    Is this a feature of Amerikan Politics – are RepubliKans as dismissive of their political opponents ?

    What individual of any sensitivity would go into Politics

    Yr ob servt etc

    G E

    Comment by G Eagle Esq — May 17, 2007 @ 9:48 am

  11. M. Eagle:

    I commend your conscience, even admire your ability to remain aloof, aloft; but I think you’re missing the essence of Falwell’s political and social legacy.

    It is in all the comments above. Isn’t there something in that book about “As ye sow …”? He sowed division and hate far and wide.

    Read some of his quotes, and consider whether, if he’d said those things under the banner of Allah, he might not have spent his last years in Gitmo.

    He helped Ronald Reagan ignore AIDS by characterizing it as the punishment of his just and loving God until, after four years and hundreds of thousands dead, Reagan was forced to action by those Falwell most hated: ordinary Americans, without “agenda”, trying to live their lives free from religious oppression as written in the Constitution.

    He freely damned from his bully pulpit Jews, gays, and anyone who disagreed with him.

    When it looked like he was about to be sucked down the drain with his close personal friend Jim Bakker he did a 180 and proclaimed Bakker an apostate. Ever read Dante on what happens to those who betray their friends?

    I would not condemn him to a hell, were I sure that one existed. His crimes are insignificant, if only in comparison to eternal torture.

    But I think he would have gladly seen me into hell with deep and self-righteous satisfaction.

    I do not mourn his death and I fail to see how my particular ithsmus of humanity is diminished by his passing.

    However, this is merely my opinion. The Republican presidential candidates are shamelessly sucking what juice they can find from his political remains.

    Comment by Metro — May 17, 2007 @ 5:36 pm

  12. Monsieur Metro

    Thank you for your Komment – how little your obedient servant knows about Mr Falwell

    Aloft, yes …. but not at 15,000 feet above contradiction, beyond missile range

    but aloof – Certainly Non

    The Good Lord cares to the point of shedding his own blood for the Grumpy, the Graceless & the unForgiving folk like your obedient servant

    I wish to emulate his Majesty, in my inadeqate way, despite the Pain

    I have the honour to remain your (und FFE’s) obedient servant etc

    G Eagle

    Comment by G Eagle Esq — May 18, 2007 @ 10:14 pm

  13. Would that Mr. Falwell had had the same Christian sentiments.

    We wouldn’t be having this conversation.

    Comment by Metro — May 19, 2007 @ 10:41 am

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