Frontier Former Editor

May 27, 2006

Pat Robertson’s hulkin’ out

Filed under: Be HEALED!, marketing, religion, scumbags — Frontier Former Editor @ 7:18 pm

Pat Robertson’s hulkin’ out!

God love Pat Robertson – somebody has to, I suppose.

From his exploits on the way to and away from the Korean conflict – documented in a nationally-exposed lawsuit around the time Pat was running for the Republican nomination for president a few years ago – to his God-given control of the forces of nature against us heatherns, Pat Robertson has been a superhuman force to guide all us American scum either toward the light of goodness or toward the furnace door of hell.

Okay, it’s more like he’s done everything from getting his daddy the U.S. senator to get him out of a tour in Korea to starting an ‘interesting’ media, evangelical and higher learning empire stemming from a low-rent UHF television station with reruns and pleas for money to do either his or the lord’s work. Oh, and there’s also telling gays and people who don’t accept creationism that God’s gonna getcha with a big storm or flood or something.

But that crazy Pat’s at it again – he’s leg-pressed a ton. Yes, 2,000 pounds. At least that’s what he claims. And he has a video purporting to show him leg-pressing 1,000 pounds

And there’s the claims that he does it all thanks to “his age-defying protein shake. Pat developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients.”

All you have to do is register on his website – probably exposing you to a ton of unwanted spam and e-proselytizing – to download his (insert echo from above) AGE-DEFYING PROTEIN SHAKE!!!.

Pat Robertson’s shake from


Thanks to the wonder of (insert echo from below) OTHER MEDIA OUTLETS, I can reveal some ingredients of Pat’s (insert echo from above) AGE-DEFYING PROTEIN SHAKE!!!!!!

“. . . ingredients such as soy protein isolate, whey protein isolate, flaxseed oil and apple cider vinegar.”

I think I know what’s so AGE-DEFYING about it. It defies anyone of any age to consider a blended concoction of soybean, skim milk, vegetable oil and vinegar delicious.

I suppose that it might, however, generate enough intestinal distress to help 2,000 pounds achieve escape velocity.

Go get ‘em Pat. If mankind’s going to be killed by 2,000-pound weights from above, you won’t end up like Wile E. Coyote or some members of Monty Python.

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