Frontier Former Editor

May 21, 2011

Not rapture, but sinister

Filed under: Christianity, God, logic, lost weekend, My God, it's full of stars, Walmart — Frontier Former Editor @ 8:26 pm

While my recent presentation on the now-disproven May 21 rapture was meant purely as deadpan humor, I decided to visit a Wal-Mart at the appointed hour of rapture to take a few photos to prove to our more superstitious fellow men and women that they suffered merely from rectal-cranial inversion.

As expected, I saw no mass flashes and ascending human forms at 6 p.m. eastern U.S. time. But being the rationalist that I am (hold the snickers), I still tested the delusional claims of Harold Camper and found something sinister and well cloaked.

Clothing racks were well stocked – far more stocked than on any other day I’ve been in a Wal-Mart. I began covertly photographing  the scene:

Well stocked shelves at racks in Wal-Mart? Verrry suspicious ...

Well stocked shelves at racks in Wal-Mart? Verrry suspicious ...

As I tried to remain unobtrusive (yeah, keep on laughing …), I saw other hints that, in fact, people had mysteriously disappeared in recent moments.

Two belts just lying in the floor? Hmmmmmm ...

Two belts just lying in the floor? Hmmmmmm ...

My word! Could have an entire family just tossed their clothes in the basket and gone to meet their maker?

My word! Could have an entire family just tossed their clothes in the basket and gone to meet their maker?

And then I saw the dressing rooms. I stood back, pretending to compare bargains on tube socks while noticing the parade of shoppers entering the dressing stalls. As each shopper entered, they never exited. Yet more people filed into the rooms as the attendant smiled. Finally, I was able to get the photograph I feared . . .

I saw the light, and I am afraid ...

I saw the light, and I am afraid ...

Note the vertical shafts on light from the stalls.  I’m sure I’ve found the secret to Wal-Mart’s ‘everyday low prices.’

Be afraid. Very afraid.

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11 Comments »

  1. You are a very silly person.

    Comment by Vicus Scurra — May 22, 2011 @ 4:14 am

  2. As a Christian I DO expect and AM waiting for the Lord to come for us (his kids) but Harold needs to get a ‘serious’ clue. The very fact that he predicted the rapture meant that it was WRONG! Only God knows that day and time (what a DORK).

    And I got a good laugh at this VERY creative entry by the way. I didn’t sense any intentional ‘hurt’ or ‘insult’ and really enjoyed your silliness!

    God Bless!

    Comment by Joanne — May 22, 2011 @ 5:32 am

    • Thank you. I’m an agnostic and more questioning of mysticism in religion, but I’m not going to argue with people’s paths to spiritualism and decency as long as they’re not oppressing others. I detest simplistic literalism but, even from a materialist point of view, everything’s got to come to an end sometime.

      Comment by Frontier Former Editor — May 22, 2011 @ 2:26 pm

  3. Uhhh…… when I said ‘what a DORK’ I was referring to the guy who made the prediction (HAROLD)!! Just thought I’d better clear that up. ;o)

    Comment by Joanne — May 22, 2011 @ 5:33 am

  4. Have never been inside a Walmart, and will certainly never do so now. Unless there are exceptional bargains on tube socks.

    Comment by azahar — May 22, 2011 @ 1:13 pm

  5. I dunno. I still think most of these Rapturists would benefit from a prefrontal colostomy.

    Comment by sledpress — May 22, 2011 @ 10:46 pm

  6. Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful post. Many thanks for supplying this information.

    Comment by reptile breeder racks — June 11, 2013 @ 11:57 am


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