- when Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse-kick him, he postulated a neutrino-rich environment so dense that Chuck barely made it a quarter-turn before stopping dead in his tracks.
- when he needs knowledge, he stares and blows two puffs in his wheelchair control to create a four-volume set.
- life in Alpha Centauri measures distance in Hawking-years.
- he didn’t need the ‘Vomit Comet’ to fly parabolic arcs to experience weightlessness – he used his sheer intellect to create a negatively-charged field that supported both him and the airplane.
- wears a t-shirt that says “Arthur C. Clarke can kiss my bony white ass.”
- unlike Heisenberg, can measure and describe physical events at the exact same time and location they occur.
- instead of spinners, he installed perpetual-motion flywheels on his wheelchair that generate limitless power and look bitchin when he cruises around Oxford University.
- he makes Freddie Mercury’s smile look perfect and still doesn’t give a f*ck.
Update: Rain reminded me of this goody (courtesy of Raincoaster – couldn’t find):
The Stephen Hawking Christmas Album
