Got milk? or, dairy screamer

This article is worth a read, even if you don’t care about basic physics, specific gravity or physical characterics:

“Stand by, Knightrider,” he said. “Supply wants you to move a load of milk back to home plate for dispersal. How many gallons can we load, max?”

With our fuel load, we could lift about 7,000 pounds, but I hadn’t a clue as to how many gallons of milk that would be. I looked over at Dave, my copilot. “Any idea what milk weighs?”

From Air and Space Magazine (www.airspacemag.com)

Lois, we hardly knew ye

Lois Maxwell has passed on. A true reminder of one of the facts of life I learned as a reporter – access doesn’t depend on the boss; it depends on whether you’re on the secretary’s good side.

The dangers of listening to a movie on TNT while on the net . . . . .

“It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again . . . . . PUT THE LOTION IN THE FRIGGIN BASKET!”

Has one ever thought of the irony that Ted Levine now plays a homicide detective on tv?

Update: The antisocialist has just the thing to complement your Silence of the Lambs motif (from YouTube . . . .)

 

For that lazy Sunday fun, compare Ted’s tuck with this . . .

Now here’s a quote you don’t often associate with self-induced death . . . .

From The National Enquirer:

“David Hans Schmidt, a celebrity story and photo broker who pled guilty in an extortion scandal involving Tom Cruise, has committed suicide, The NATIONAL ENQUIRER has learned.

The 47-year-old Schmidt was found in a shower stall at a North 21st street condominium in Phoenix, AZ.

“He hung himself, and the shower stall was so small, he had to squat to get the job done,” a source familiar with the situation said.”

Are they sure it wasn’t just a confused bystander watching a plumber?

Actually, I was thinking more in terms of the Reichskanzellerie bunker, but this will do . . .

Your home is a Daylight Magnate’s Manor Your kitchen is someplace you never go, because you “have people for that.” There’s a Chocolatessen, which is rapidly becoming your favorite room of the house. Having one is also becoming a trend among your wealthy neighbors. Your master bedroom is the size of a small barn, with carpet thick enough to reach your ankles. Your study has hardback editions of every classic ever written, plus a special edition of Rich Dad, Poor Dad with the parts you ghost-authored highlighted. One of your garages holds your collection of ferraris, and is measured in acreage.Your home also includes a guest wing and private quarters for your servants. Your guests enjoy your animatronic replica of the cantina at Mos Eisley. Outside is your hedge maze and gardens, meticulously tended by a team of world-class botanists.And, you have a pet — a doberman pincer named “Warren”. Below is a snippet of the blueprints:

Find YOUR Dream House!

Courtesy of Nag on the Lake, via Mastercowfish, via Raincoaster

Kinky Friedman on Oscar Wilde (not THAT on, you filthmonger!)

Where else to get a good Oscar Wilde anecdote than from Kinky Friedman on Morning Joe:

Paraphrased, of course:

“[Oscar Wilde was arrested by an undercover cop. Do you know what the undercover cop said to him? "Do you know who I am, Mr. Wilde?" Oscar turns around to everyone and says,"My God, we have aman here who doesn't know who he is!"]“

 And all Larry Craig can do is beg a judge to toss his guilty plea . . .

And as I hear the woodchipper up the street purring away . . .

why does this image come to mind?

Quadriplegic masturbation?

After flirting with the idea, I finally found a list of search engine terms that led to this little corner of sociopathy with a fairly repellent  term or two:

debbie gibson is pregnant with my two-he	1
Chris Crocker bristol	1
quadriplegic masturbation	1
Landing Signal Officers	1
fast food pick-up lines	1
Chris crocker Kingsport tn	1

And no, I’m not referring to the ‘Chris Crocker’ hits. ‘Quadriplegic masturbation,’ on the other hand (no pun intended) leaves me wondering if Stephen Hawking has too much time on his puffer valve.

As for ‘how tall was Heinrich Himmler’: Well, the experten at CelebHeights.com have this to say:

“JDrozen says on 10/Jan/06
Hitler’s height is easy to calculate, he was 5,8. Compare him to Himmler who was one inch taller then Adolf. One of the condition to be a member of the SS is the minimum required height of 5,9 which was the body height of Heinrich Himmler.”

But only his undertaker knows for sure . . . .

As for ‘dick cheney athiest’; Dick, you’re the prince of darkness. With all that indoor time between sunrise and sunset, at least learn proper capitalization of your name and how to spell ‘atheist.’

Why I blog (with apologies to Metro for my lack of punctuality)

I’m an idiot on many levels. One of those levels is not knowing when I’ve been tagged by my friends and acquaintances (thanks, Metro)

Five reasons why I blog:

1) Because 14 years of professional writing left me too word-weary to put down all the thoughts I had before

2) Because it makes me think about the crap that comes out of my thought processes

3) Because I like talking with people despite my anti-social exterior

4) Because everyone wants their existence to be acknowledged

5) Because I want to define what I’ve been and will be

That hurt my brain. I’m going to go bleed out my nose and ears for a bit.

Sunday night funk for white guys

In my never-ending subliminal quest to find rhythm, here’s a little vintage bit from Was (Not Was). Give it 1:46 and you’ll see why  . . . .

 

Frankly, it gives P-Funk a run for their money . . .